life is such a journey

Life is such a journey. I can't believe I tried to make it a plan, a schedule or something. It's difficult to live in the present and not think about the future. Every day for the past couple months at this job, I've tried to figure out my life, my job--and make a verdict on whether this job was for me, and for how long. It's stupid really. You always want more, like the grass is always greener on the other side in your imaginations. Thinking that you have a chance at the greener grass really just makes you proud and easily angry.

The past two work days have been quite enjoyable; last friday was quite stressful, as there was some time crisis and I needed to do something in 2 hours that used to take me 5-6 hours. But it was fun to succeed, to feel like your work was needed, to feel like you did contribute. And today was really nice, to interact with everyone, meet new people, hear about people's experiences all over the world in different fabs, chat with  my boss for an hour on random things, stay late at work for fun--because of chatting and waiting for other people to finish stuff (stayed at work from 7am to 8:30pm), etc.

I think, at the core, I'll always love psychology/people. I love seeing different people's personalities, how they react differently and are different. There are so many people at work I can say hi to. I wonder if I'm becoming an extrovert, because saying hi to everyone makes me really happy.

Anyway, I think it'll be a challenge for me to not try to plan out  or think excessively about my future. Sometimes it's good... sometimes it's good to think: What in the world am I doing with my life!!?!? This is temporary! -- but the way I was thinking about my future was more like: what career should I do if I end up not liking this industry? Where should I aim to live if I don't like this place, etc. --basically thoughts that stem from fear, and a desire to "be prepared" for life. It's difficult to accept that I can't "be prepared" for life.

And in the midst of this angsty change in life, I forgot what it's like to be in the presence of God; I forgot the sweetness of His presence. When I find it difficult to pray with my spirit, or even with my heart, I know that I've made Christianity a life-application thing and not a knowing Him thing