Passion

I really admire how passionate people are about things they like. Some of my classmates are passionate about the healthcare industry. Some are passionate about the Women in Leadership conference and are sending us personalized emails telling us to go.

It's funny because, as I was thinking about how I wish I had some passion, I suddenly remembered a time in high school when I played tennis. I was totally obsessed and passionate about getting into Varsity. I had a ball machine and would go practice after dinner every day.

One time, these 2 women were in the court next to me, just casually playing and chatting. And they started talking about me. One of them said to the other: I wish my children were that passionate about something.

I guess I used to be one of those passionate people that others admired.

But you know what. Passion fades. I mean, passion comes from somewhere. Maybe it's an experience you've had. Or another special reason or motivation for why you are passionate about something. For tennis, I just wanted to be someone. I wanted to be glorious and win matches that actually mattered. I wanted to be better than other people. Because that feels good.

And now I feel like I'm past that. Except not really. Career is the new tennis.

What are you passionate about? I can't say that I'm just passionate about being valued. It has to actually be a subject, like healthcare, or supply chain management, or technology or operations. It has to be a story that makes sense to recruiters. But really, at the end of the day, I know what I really want. I want to be expert at something. Why? Because that means I'm creating value, and that I'm valuable.

Recruiting for a completely new industry is stressing me out. I feel like I transplanted myself back to Senior year of college when all the jobless people got together just to talk about how they wished they did computer science-- a time when I felt like I had nothing valuable to offer to recruiters because of my low GPA. Except this time, it's not my GPA, but my introversion and non-outgoing-ness. Around engineers and other introverted people, it was easy to be able to small talk, but now I'm surrounded by super outgoing people, so it's harder.

Just let me say

Tuesday, I was having worship time by myself on the piano with my usual binder of worship songs. I played "Just let me say how much I love you", and "Listen to our hearts"

I haven't chosen songs like that in a while because I didn't feel qualified or real/authentic/genuine singing about how much I love God. I preferred songs about the cross and Jesus, than singing about my love for God. I just wasn't so sure that I was qualified to say that I love God. I'd feel more comfortable singing about His love for me than the other way around. But when I did that on Tuesday--sang those two songs--it was so powerful because I do actually love Him, and the expression in song released what was inside.

I love Him because He first loved me, and my song to Him is a response to His love. 

"Listen to our hearts" also has special significance to me because I can still remember during my college years, one of the 'alum' who had gone MIA during my sophomore or junior year, came back (to God) when I was a senior, and led us in this song on the guitar. At the time, I couldn't even sing the song. All I could do was cry, out of joy that he came back.

And I recorded all of us singing it:

Back from Iceland

Iceland feels like a hidden gem. It's really extremely beautiful, especially if you go on a long enough trip, with "off road" vehicles that can cross through rivers and get you to the beautiful scenic places... (and hopefully it's not raining). Landmannalaugar was my favorite

I felt so incredibly blessed to see all the mountains, sheep, waterfalls, geysers, glaciers--water and ice all in one place! The tour guides said that they are constantly discovering new beautiful places. One of them said that his favorite place in Iceland, he only just discovered 1 month ago.

I think it was by far the most beautiful trip I've been on. And the best part is that none of the places are super touristy. (other than the blue lagoon)

So that's my plug for Iceland. Best time to go is mid-september to october, before the snow hits, but after which you can see the northern lights.

Now preparing for class tomorrow. Listening to music while printing, organizing and reading case studies. Going back to school feels a bit scary. The Alum kept saying how busy we will be, juggling recruiting, homework and "networking"/socializing. I think a couple years ago, I'd have enough energy to handle that, but now I'm just not confident that I have that much energy.

I'm scared, but I know God is with me even in the scariest times, and that my strength is from Him.