Vulnerability

 Someone once asked how I can feel so comfortable with intimacy. I do like intimacy. I like depth, I like looking into people's eyes. I like crying and seeing people cry. I like vulnerable people. And I like the feeling of being vulnerable. 

But this type of feeling goes away when you are close to someone long term. Like a family member or spouse. After a while you just feel safe and comfortable with them. You don't "feel vulnerable" even though you are being vulnerable. But I like feeling of "feeling vulnerable" and naked. 

I realized that I can always get that "feeling of vulnerability" with God. As I go deeper with Him, He just manages to strip away even more of the onion that I didn't know existed. And I'm always surprised how much deeper there still is to go. He touches the parts of my heart that have never been touched by anyone else. He can go where no human can go. Maybe I am addicted to God. Addicted to going deeper. 

Actually, perhaps it's not even a "feeling of vulnerability", it's just His presence. Going deeper into His presence. He is so holy that you just feel more and more naked as you go closer. 

Friendship

 In life group, the discussion leader asked us to think about a time when a close friend helped us through difficult times. Immediately tears flooded my eyes and I started tearing. 

It wasn't even a specific incident, but many times. I thought of all the dark times I've been through, and how people and God have always been with me through those things. 

 I had a mutual best friend in 2nd grade through the rest of elementary school. We confessed to each other that we were the other's best friend. And in very Jamie fashion, I didn't confess first. To this day, I remember this conversation. 

Charlene: "Guess who my best friend is?" 

Of course, I'm not dumb. Anyone who is asking me that must be talking about me. But I'm also modest. So of course I'm like "Cindy?" -  just named someone else. "Nope. Guess again". That's how the confession went. Actually I'm not sure if I ever confessed back to her. I only remember that she confessed to me. 

Friendship is really interesting. Deep, deep friendship is always something I've wanted -- ever since puberty. Close friendship has always been one of my top dreams. It is a dream I have attained but still continue to pursue, including my friendship with Jesus. 

Recently, I've been more in sync with God, and it makes me so happy. I don't want to lose it.