Called in

We call people a lot on night shift--call people after they've gone home, sometimes in the middle of the night we call them. Any hour, as long as there is a high priority thing that needs to be dealt with (and there often are). In the one week I've been on night shift, at least several people have gotten calls.

Today, after working from 7pm to 7:30am, I went home, took a shower, went to Church for half an hour, left before the message started, and was about to sleep at 10am when I got a call from my manager, saying that there had been an emergency and that I had to go back to daytime work schedule as soon as possible.

Despite the fact that I just got accustomed to night shift sleep schedule, I still felt pretty cool getting that call. I felt like I was part of the EMS (emergency medical service... the ambulance on-call people). Okay, so I've never done EMS, but I had wanted to in high school; dad wouldn't let me. But getting an "emergency" work-related call felt like what I imagined EMS to feel like, (except with EMS, it's an actual life-threatening emergency).

Anyway, then I remembered that my mentor told me that she knows a lot of people who really love volunteering for EMS, and that they love it so much that they center their entire lives around it, even neglecting their marriage/family sometimes.

Everyone wants to be a savior, but sometimes we don't realize that we are the ones who need saving.
 who need the Savior. And He is the one who does the saving. When we help "save" others, we do it out of a place of being completely satisfied by the love of God, not out of a need to be needed.

Wedding Toasts

I went to a wedding yesterday, and it was so encouraging-- especially the toasts/speeches. The father of the groom made a very short toast, basically saying that he hopes the bride and the groom will be led by the Holy Spirit in their marriage. The other three toasts all emphasized the importance of God in the marriage, encouraging the bride and groom in Christ. The toasts were all really genuine, from the heart... and you could just feel the realness of God... and how everyone giving the toast really believed that God is the most important, and God is the one who carried them this far, and who will continue to lead them.

The wedding reception experience really ingrained into my heart the importance of God in my life---just seeing multiple generations get together and acknowledge the greatness of God in every aspect is amazing.

Need to get back up

I guess in the end, only you really know how you're doing spiritually. I turned on my computer out of hibernate to write this. I was about to sleep, but I felt like I had to write this.When I'm living in some deception, the night time is the clearest. It's when I realize what my life is really like. I was afraid that when I woke up the next morning, I'd dismiss everything and think that I'm fine spiritually.

Personal history tells you a lot about your future patterns. Yea, people can change, but you have to actively fight against entropy and be strategic about it and keep asking for help. A lot of the things I do now, and the feelings I feel, remind me of my time alone in Shanghai. It's really amazing what being alone can do to people. It's really hard to worship God alone. Not as in alone in your room, but as in alone alone. When you're not seeing that your whole family in Christ is fighting with you, even if they're not physically with you.

And so I remember a sister's words to me about how it is after-college spiritually: It's hard, but it's good.

It'll be good. I know it will be.

The interesting thing now is that no matter how much I fall (to a certain extent), I'm like Solomon. I can't really enjoy anything else as much I once enjoyed God. Once you've tasted of His goodness and love, there's really nothing else that can satisfy. And the recognition of this comes pretty quickly. You know it. Even as you seek quick pleasures, you know they don't satisfy. So then it comes down to finally getting out of the gutter (or realizing you're there first), and getting back on track, back in the relationship. And this is not just sinful pleasures, but even food, arts & crafts and exploring the city. When God is not there, everything else you look forward to and seek, you are seeking out of a desire to fill the God-sized hole. And it all becomes empty instead of a healthy enjoyment.

The greatest thing about being a daughter of God is that... I'm still a daughter of God. Even now.
Every time this happens, it's like  Hosea 11 and the song How He Loves  at the same time.

I lift my eyes to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth.