Recently, a first gen Chinese father in his 60s was talking to some of us. One thing he said stuck with me for a few days afterwards. He was like: "I don't know why, but it seems like ABCs are always looking for home." (ABCs being American born Chinese, aka Asian Americans in modern speak)
But yea, it's true. why. why is that?
I remember when I first got to college, I didn't want to join an Asian fellowship because I was like: the real world is not just Asians. I need to learn to make friends with other races. But I visited a few fellowships and I just felt at "home" at Chinese Bible Study (CBS). I got a care package at my dorm room with my name on it and a fish drawn on it (because I told them I had a pet fish in my dorm). It felt so personalized, and my heart melted. And then they offered to give us "older prayer partners" (aka "big sis" relationship), and I was sold. I wanted to be taken care of, love-showered, and feel at home, more than my idealistic thoughts about learning to be friends with diverse groups of people.
I was thinking about this past year -- 2020. I've eaten with 4 different families (as in my friends or SO & their parents) in CA. I love eating with families. It feels so homey and full of love. It feels like they're my family too. It just feels so warm, like they're looking out for me, even though I'm not their biological kid. Sometimes I love it so much, that I'm like: what is wrong with me? I'm not like an orphan. I have a family already.
I actually rarely feel homesick. In college I never felt homesick. Same with upstate NY and California. I've never felt homesick. The only time I ever felt homesick was a short period in MBA in Michigan. There were a lot of breaks--winter break, spring break, etc. And I always went home during those breaks. At home, there are always tons of family friends over at our house. They come over multiple times a week, without prior warning. They're just like "we're coming in an hour; we'll bring some food", and they come over for dinner. Or my brother's friends are always over, and then my dad ends up feeding them. It feels like our home is a home to many others. Sometimes my cousin is over too, and my dad is basically a second father to him. It just felt full and lively and homey, and I missed NJ home during that time.
My dad got me a really nice mirrorless micro 4/3rd camera (basically a "travel DSLR" for non-camera people) right before MBA, because I was going to Iceland at the start of MBA. I remember during MBA, thinking to myself: I now have the best camera I have ever had in my life, but no people to take pictures of.
When I was applying for jobs post-MBA and trying really hard to get a job in NJ so I could live at home, my college friend Justin was like: "you don't want to live at home!" and I was like: "why not? yea, I guess you're right. I should just get my own life somewhere" and he said: "it's a difficult balance. home vs making your own home". and I replied: "it's hard to make your own home"
Well, I guess, in the past 3+ years I have made my own home. Here, in CA. Home is where the people you love are. Home is where there are people you want to take pictures of. (I know, I'm such a camera mom already)
