Soft Spot

One time I was explaining how I view two people differently even though they made the same error. For one of them, I just don't blame them or feel negatively towards them. I was really confused about it. Then someone told me: yeah, you have a soft spot for person X. 

Today I was thinking about that concept-- of having a soft spot for someone. They could commit the same offense as someone else but you just have a soft spot for them so they're forgiven more easily. 

If you were an authority figure over people, this "soft spot" for someone under you would be deemed favoritism, which has a more negative connotation compared to "soft spot"

Perhaps with friendships or peers, it's called "chemistry"/"vibes" or "loyalty"/"homies" or just affection / compassion. Some people you just vibe with or understand better, so you get why they would do what they do. "That's just who they are". Or you're more willing to hear them out. Basically, you just love them more. You just have a soft spot for them. The rules don't apply as harshly to them. 

I guess I really appreciate when people have a soft spot for me. I don't deserve the grace that they give me. 

But does God have a soft spot for me? 

Doesn't the bible say God disciplines those He loves? Yet it also says His kindness leads us to repentance. So, is there a season for discipline and a season for grace? Or is it that we always have both? Both makes more sense. I guess sometimes when people forgive you too hard, you almost feel bad, like it's discipline enough to feel bad. 

I think I don't feel bad as often as the average normal-Asian American Christian, but recently, I've felt bad a couple of times. So maybe that is discipline from God. 

Anyways. Soft spot. I like that word. God has a soft spot for me. 

Maxed out

 I heard someone share that they put in a lot of effort, and it was difficult time for them, but they "maxed out" their talents, in their pursuit of music. 

It reminded me that this is a common journey many people go through. When they're young, they wonder what they are "gifted" in. Everyone wants to be above average at what they do, career-wise. Everyone who is privileged enough to think that way at least

But the truth is that some people have many talents, and are above average in many areas, while others are below average at almost everything. Not everyone can be the best

I hit my max in college. I thought in high school, that if I just studied earlier and longer than everyone else, I could always get an A. But in college, I didn't have enough time and I just couldn't understand some of the theories. My brain capacity for the abstract stuff was just limited. I knew I hit my max. 

But after I got out of college, I realized that in the real world, I'm still above average. 

Everything is pretty relative. 

But being the best at something is less desirable to me, now that I'm 31.
It's about impact and influencing people. The goals have changed. Why? Maybe it's because people provide meaning, and I love people. My hobbies and things I like keep changing, but the fact that I like people never changes. Me loving God also doesn't change, for the most part... if I'm even allowed /qualified to say that. 

Loving and helping people and building relationships is the most rewarding thing. The second most rewarding thing is getting things done. So I focus not on "being the best" at something, but what feels the most rewarding. 

However, they are still interconnected. How can it feel rewarding if you're pretty terrible at something? 
but the cool thing about relationships is each person has a limited capacity, so even if someone else is "better" at relationships, they can't be friends with everyone at a meaningful depth. That means that I have the unique opportunity to influence those closest to me. Walmart can always expand and be everywhere, but people cannot clone and franchise themselves to be everywhere. A friend can only be a friend selectively. And not everyone can be 'family' to you. 

In summary, people and meaningful relationships make life worth living. At least this is my conclusion. And it is in no way mutually exclusive to pursuing being "the best" at something. I still, of course, like being excellent, relatively speaking. Otherwise I wouldn't make candles and ice cream, and I wouldn't blog. And there is a reason I don't ever post my singing on youtube lol. We all know the things we are above average at, and the things we are below average at.