Pain & Vision

I really liked Pastor Jason's sermon this past Sunday on why having vision is important.
Having vision gives purpose to the pain we experience in life.
Vision provides meaning, purpose and hope in difficult times.

Of course, sometimes the pain we experience is the consequence of our own sin, not just others' sin or external uncontrollable factors. But no matter what the cause of the pain is, I believe the concept still applies. Even if the pain you experience is due to your own sin, as long as you recognize and turn from sin, there is hope for you because God forgives. So when you experience pain, (whatever the cause), you can bear it, because you know the future carries hope, because God has a purpose and plan for your life. In Christ, there is always redemption. And God doesn't waste your pain.

But I also believe pain needs to be fully healed.

Sometimes, living in the present, laughing, and having friends love you, does a large majority of the healing. People heal when they feel safe, in a loving community they can trust-- a community that really knows you, wants to know you and really loves you for who you are.

Sometimes pain wants to be validated and honored. And all you need to heal is to know that your pain matters to God.
The best imagery I have for this, is in 2015, a stranger from a conference wanted to pray for me. She asked me what I wanted prayer for. I told her my story. Immediately, I could see water rush into her eyes. I could feel compassion from her eyes. I was so touched that a stranger could have such strong compassion towards me. At that moment, I felt that God really cared. I always picture that imagery. God looking into my eyes, and his eyes tell me He knows my pain, and my pain matters to Him. (also, I just love eye contact, and God knows that)

Sometimes, Holy Spirit just heals you, whether in worship or in prayer. God just speaks directly to your heart--not through others, but directly. and it's louder than usual and you know it's God.

Recently, I have been listening to my recordings of prophetic words spoken over me about my calling. Three different people calling out the same thing. It has given me so much hope and strength.

Pastor Jason also talked about the niche you fill in your community, and how that could be part of your purpose. I feel that sometimes, for me, one of those niches, is talking about subjects others might feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about. There are so many other things.
I think a lot of people struggle with feeling that they are not "special", that there is always someone else who has more wisdom, compassion, musical talent or whatever. But you need to look beyond that and into the more granular detailed nuances. No one else has your experiences and your exact personality and interests and friend circles. God can use anyone. You don't have to be flashy like a Tim Keller or a Kris Valloton. (trying to be inclusive here... jk).

There were/are definitely some people in my life, where every time I talk to them, I feel they are so life-giving. I just feel so fed, spiritually and emotionally. There are others who are always constant and stable; I can trust their genuine-ness and loyalty. There are those with immense wisdom, those with great ideas, those with great execution. Even the complainers have a place in the body, because they stir things up, and then those who like to execute, try to change things. Even the emotional leeches have a place (kinda), because they stretch and challenge others' character--though of course, ideally we want them to heal.

I lost a bet

I had this conversation with GG about how we should have everyone bet pushups for Superbowl. We were debating how many pushups people could do, and then she's like

G: honestly I can probably do 100 in 30 minutes

Me: -_- I don't believe you

G: bet me something

Me: ok I bet you

G: I'll do them right now

Me: wait I have to see it. What do you want?

G: you have to bet me something good though

Me: sure, name it

Then she comes up with the best bet ever: that I have to take 8 hip hop classes and perform in front of her and two friends, and go to a club in an outfit they choose. After she tells me the bet, my confidence goes from 99% sure I'll win to 60%. But it recovers the next day and I was back at 99% confident she couldn't do it. She was 80% confident she could do it though. 

She ends up doing 100 solid pushups in 15 minutes, and does some more for fun after that. Two guys at life group were like: what? Everyone can do 100 in 30 minutes. What were you thinking Jamie?? One buff guy was like, I can probably do 500 in 30 minutes. I didn't believe him when he said it but now thinking about it, maybe I should reconsider.

This is a classic example of me having a skewed world view because of how conservative/"realistic" (aka pessimistic) I am, though I honestly thought it would have instead been a classic example of how GG has a skewed world view because of how idealistic she is. It turned out to be the former because I lost. But going in, I was like GG just doesn't know she can't do it. She's too naive and idealistic. So yea I lost. I was wrong and my world view is wrong. And despite no one being able to tell that I was actually sad, I was sad that I lost, and quite confused or shocked. I didn't know how to feel or express myself except to smile and feel awkward.

But this event is also quite meaningful to me because GG is leaving the community to pursue her dreams. I'm glad she won and proved me wrong. and I'm glad she believes in herself. Quitting your job to pursue your dreams takes a lot of faith. Something I don't have quite enough of yet. But one day I will. And when I do, it will be powerful, and my faith will move mountains. 

And she left me with the perfect gift, the bet that will stretch me out of my comfort zone and possibly widen my life scope/view, to put it abstractly