Two groups of friends?

Possible? Two groups of friends that is. (in one location). I wonder how that feels. Or how that works. For me, a lot of my life, it came down to a choice: which group will I hang out with mostly? 

The choice is a choice. It's one of those determining choices, similar to who you sit with at lunch on your first day of High school. It basically determines who your friends are for the next 4 years. And I knew that too--I knew that when I made that choice in High school. I had some Chinese friends who were more extroverted and some Indian friends who were quieter, calmer and more introverted. And I chose the more introverted group to eat with, and for the rest of High School and even now, I barely know the people in the Chinese group. It's a choice. 

Sure, there were people who moved from lunch group to lunch group to "visit" all of their friends, but for the most part that doesn't always work. 

Anyway. I thought about this, because I am beginning to have conflicting activities between work and Church. --as in work friends or work activities, and Church friends/acquaintances inviting me to things. If it's tennis, that's easy. Always choose Church friends over tennis. But if it's like a group activity, or a more intimate activity/hang-out, then I'd most likely choose Work friends. I feel as if, once you stop hanging out with one group of friends as often, you've made a choice. 

The most commonly complained about choice is the: she-got-a-boyfriend-and-never-hangs-out-with-us-anymore complaint. I mean.... whatever man. If he's a good guy and they are serious, then I bless the female friend in her choice. That choice is obvious. Do what you have to do; other people are supposed to understand that one. 

The Church friends one is easily settled if you just set aside that Church service time and that small group time to hang out with Church friends. But you kind of know that there's more to friendship than that. Just like there's more to work friends than just joking around and chatting at work. You have to hang out after work to actually be friends. 

And all of this choice of time leads me to think about how often I choose God. Over food, over checking my email. Over everything else in my life. Why do I have to even worry about keeping my friends? God will take care of it, and God will take care of me. He will satisfy my every need. He will direct my paths and give me wisdom. I am not alone, even when I feel lonely. I am not in need, even when I feel weak and needy. 

Things that made me feel good in the past 48 hrs

Yesterday/Saturday @ 8am:
I'm sleeping @ my NJ home and my cell phone starts ringing. Some 518 number. hm. I pick it up. My friend, who is also a coworker, says hi Jamie. I'm like hi, and wondering if she is calling to ask if I want to go play or something. Then she's like: "Hi Jamie, I'm in front of the eDR [a machine]. How do I do sampling?". And then I walk her through it... It doesn't work. I'm like.". oh.. hm, sometimes you have to refresh. Try different things, like closing the window and then opening it again." It works. LOL. This is my expertise: shaking the tool so that it works. lol. But it did feel good to get called for help on a weekend.


This morning @ work:
I'm heading into the fab; there's a door I'm about to pull open. Someone else on the other side is coming out and pushes the door open, sees me at the door, and then holds the door open with one arm (still standing on the other side--not my side yet) and with his other arm pushes his friend back and says: "move away; she's more important than you".

Lol. never encountered such blatant chivalry/gentleman-ness, if that's the right word for it. Definitely made me smile.


Another call from a different coworker after working hours @ 7:30pm
"Hi Jamie, sorry to call you after your work hours".
"Oh yea, no problem"

aw, what a cutie. being so considerate and apologizing for what's included in my job description. I'm required to be on call lol. aw man, everyone is so cute!

--
Anyway. I guess there are a lot of things in life that make you go: aww, wow. --And perhaps when people are lonelier, these things affect them more. It's always nice to have little encouragements here and there, and to have people value and appreciate you and thank you for things or apologize for things, but those things are not the bread. It's easy to make them the bread of our living, rather than God who is the bread of life.

you satisfy me in the morning with your unfailing love ~Ps 90:14

great thing about pressure and stress

The really great thing about stress and pressure is that you get to see your problems...

It's funny how I can complain about people being slow when I myself am known to be the slow one. Seriously. it's ridiculous how prideful I am.

The other funny thing was that I was priding myself on how calm/chill I was in the midst of this problem my project is facing. I still do things fast, but I'm calm, and confident the issue will get solved and everything will get done before the deadline. So I was sort of prideful about this confidence, about not freaking out.

But then later in the day I realized that b/c of all the things we had to do quickly, I was getting frustrated with people for not being as fast as I was, or for not knowing things that they should know, or not reading the emails that we all got and bookmarking important info. Even little things, like when people type slower than me, or change equipment statuses slow (clicking buttons/logging on slow basically), I'm like......... er.... !! ..

Anyway, I also got something from the Church service today. He was talking about 1 Samuel something... about the barren woman who told God that if He gave her a son, she would give the son back to Him. And the pastor highlighted that the woman didn't ask God for a son; she asked Him for a seed to give back to Him. And God granted her a son.  Then I remembered that I did the same thing; I asked for a brother so I could learn how to love (because it's so much easier to love your friends and parents than to show love and affection towards a sibling). So then, I began to think of what areas in my life I could ask God for a seed for at work. ...

Good testimony

I was just watching this youtube clip/testimony on a sister's blog. It's a really good testimony. "Good", not as in a great story, but as in, it brings you to realize from someone's testimony, who God is. 

Not to mention that it's pretty rare that a Christian talks about homosexuality in a non-compromising, yet truthful and loving, wise way. He gives some wise insight about the identity thing. That your identity isn't dependent on tendencies/attractions. Also, I liked how he said that your days are numbered whether or not you have HIV. So true. 

Actually, back to the identity thing...Feeling good is a big thing. I realized that being a jerk and saying things a jerk would say, feels really good. You feel really awesome and powerful and cool after doing it. Or making fun of people in front of other people, all in good humor, feels great. Being funny, making quick witty remarks feels great. It's the same with many other things in life, like achievement/respect, being-in-love, etc. Makes you feel great about yourself. Doesn't always last. 

Like, I can go to work, feel awesome around tons of people. Make jokes, email people competitively, organize some meetings, feel great about my personality and abilities and cool people I get to hang out with and poke fun at and smile creepily at. Then go home and feel totally different. The adrenaline of feeling useful/awesome and amazing and seeing friends/coworkers at work wears off when you get home. 

I can tell already that there are some people who make work their life (many at the company do), and some people who know that work is work, and life is life. In fact, I was quite pleasantly surprised and impressed when one of my "older" colleagues (40s) started advising one of my new-grad colleagues who was stressing out about the project not able to meet the deadline. The older colleague was saying to the new grad: ' work is work .....don't get your emotions into your work.. work is work. ' --It was pretty funny. He/older-guy wrote like a whole paragraph on the chat system to the new grad. lol 

I actually don't know if there's a "right" balance, or a "right" way to do the work/life "balance" thing. I think it's always what God calls you to do. And you wouldn't really know his will, unless ... (Romans 12:2)

It's only been 2.5 months of working so far. I haven't really made a life outside of work yet, though I am starting to play more sports (tennis, bball). So glad fall season is here; finally small groups open up... And, I do think you do have to invest your heart into work. That's the only way you do good work. We aren't called to do bad work, for sure.

Feeling useful

I think that is one thing that schoolwork at Cornell never did for me. I didn't feel like someone else needed me to do homework or to do well on a test. It was for my own achievements' and learnings' sake. That's why I thought I liked helping people. But now I realized that I actually maybe like learning more--if I'm learning things that I can use to be useful to others. I actually maybe like doing things for people more than I like teaching people--aka being useful.

But really, what it comes down to at the end of the day, is not about feeling useful or being useful. It really comes down to love. I would much much rather have love, and I sometimes don't know it. Or I forget it.

We think we are motivated by feeling useful, but a greater motivation is love. You would much rather do things for the people you love than be "more useful". And not just motivated by love, but full of love and led by love.

Be imitators of God therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God ~ Ephesians 5:1-2

As a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Live a life of love. As those who are dearly loved by God.