Yesterday, I was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness, and the feeling lingered on still this morning; I couldn't shake it off. Usually listening to worship music helps, but sometimes the feeling is so strong that music just at best, contains it. (I really enjoyed listening to Here Again by Elevation Worship).
I recognized that the feelings were genuine and natural, and that it is important to be honest with how I feel, but also remember that I believe in Jesus, and my hope comes from Him.
I most often try to use emotional methods to solve my emotional issues. (i.e. talk with a friend, use music, etc.) However, I realized that I can use my mind to lead my emotions. I know I have Jesus. Nothing can separate me from the love of Jesus. I will declare this truth as long as I live. By speaking the truth to myself and to my emotions, I am fighting for my emotions. My mind and willpower fight for my feelings to come into alignment with the word of God. Sometimes worship music does help in this regard because you can belch out the song as a declaration of God's truth.
As I was driving home, I thought to myself: What do I want to be like when I am 50 years old? I used to think 20s were the "prime age"--the most exciting age. But now, I think 50s-60s is prime. Most of the people I really respect are at least 50. I want to love God when I am old, not just when I am young. I thought about how beautiful it will be to be 80 and still love God so much (and hopefully more), and be able to look back on my life and see how God brought me so far in life, and how beautiful a journey it has been, despite all the hard times and all the hurt. Out of great suffering and pain, can come great beauty, because God doesn't waste our suffering. God doesn't waste our pain.
In light of that, I would like to recommend a movie that has made it to my favorites list.
"I can only Imagine" - I watched this on my United flight to the east coast. I cried so much. I couldn't stop crying. It was so, so beautiful.
Not only does God not waste our pain, God is our hope. Even though I'm technically a "present-minded" person according to personality tests, it really does help to think really far out into the future--it reduces my present concerns and worries, because I start to realize that life is long. Yet, at the same time, I also realize that life is short, and that soon I will be with God.
