I need God

I've been exercising a lot these days, and it's really nice sometimes. I can listen to music or sermons, or watch the cooking channel or the news. Think about stuff, struggle with stuff.

I was watching "Chopped" (a cooking competition) and the guy who won had just lost his father the day before, and he was all like "my father would be so proud".

In the matsci lounge this semester, people were working on this tedious stats assignment probably not worth anything--and they were discussing whether or not it was worth doing. They all agreed that if it weren't for the professor (he's super respected and is a genius), they wouldn't be attempting the assignment. This one guy was like: "I just want Thompson to say to me 'you did an awesome job'. Then I can go home satisfied".

I remember this one tennis match in HS. I was the last one still playing; it took forever because we kept tying. Finally, I lost. And the coach, whom everyone disliked, but who liked me, came up to me and shook my hand and said good job or I'm proud of you. Or something like that. And it felt really really good.

Who am I working for? Who, or what is worth living for in this life?

Definitely not myself. Pleasing myself leads ultimately/eventually to a life of meaninglessness, and it sucks when you get to the point where you begin to feel it--the emptiness of going for your own glory.

Pleasing others. Well, I have to be honest and say that for me personally it really works a whole lot better (and longer) than pleasing myself. But it doesn't last forever.

gah. I really need God. It's so easy for me to be like: okay I'm good, because at least this or this is going well for me. Or, as long as this is right in my life, I'll be okay (and "this" doesn't happen to be my relationship with God..)

Yesterday, as I was sleeping I thought: wow, if I could love God as much as I love ___ or __, that would be awesome.

Then I thought about David, and how God blessed his family line so much. And then I got it. God loves David. You can see it by the way God had Jesus come from David's line and how God blessed David's generation. God really loves David. God really loves John. And Peter. And Job.

And God just longs to give us everything He has. and bless us and be proud of us. Everything I have is yours. but He doesn't want to give us stuff that would destroy us. And if our hearts are not in the right place, a lot of things/blessings could destroy us (pride). And meanwhile He's waiting for us. Jealous for our hearts.