It's one thing to love imperfect people who love you back just as much; it's another thing to be perfect and love an imperfect person who can never love you back the way you love them, who tends to love you back, but then hurt you, and then love you and then hurt you again.
God loves me like that; I can't even understand. Man, even being an imperfect person with little ability to love, it's still difficult for me to give that little love that I could give. Here I am, an imperfect person hesitating/afraid to love, holding back love, when God, who is perfect has freely given everything to me through Christ.
It's difficult for me to truly appreciate my brother. I mean, I love him, and physically, I spend time with him and act lovingly (most of the time) with him. But I intentionally reserve affection from him. He would love it if I held his hand, or hugged him a lot, but I try not to. I do hug him sometimes, but whenever I do I feel like I'm "holding my breath" and just doing it because it's the right thing to do. I don't really feel it. And I really try to not feel any emotion/affection when hugging him, even though he's so excited to hug me. And I'm so excited to hug my friends.
Our hearts are weird. There are so many cases like this. There's no reason not to love, yet it's difficult. It's something about the heart. About letting go or being honest, maybe letting go of control or fear and dying to self.
I can love God because He loved me first; yet, at times I do not even love God; I hurt and grieve Him. My heart is prone to wander, yet He loves me completely.
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