My Parents Know Me

I got one of my prelims back today, and I did really badly (and I thought that prelim was my best prelim of the semester after I took it). And then it hit me that I'm not doing well in any of my core courses for my major. "Not doing well" is also probably an understatement.

I found myself writing an email to my mom warning her that this semester's gpa might be the lowest, and sort of explaining myself and stuff.

But then she replied with some stuff and was like "Anyway, just do your best !"

Obviously, she didn't consider it too big a deal.

And I thought to myself: well, that was dumb; why did I feel the need to explain myself to my parents. They know me. They know my habits, my tendencies, my heart. I don't need to prove myself to them, or prove that I have changed, that my work ethic has changed or that at least, even if I'm not trying my best, I know that I'm not and I feel bad about it. I don't need to prove my heart to them. I don't need to prove or explain my genuineness. I don't need to earn their respect and trust. For some reason, they already trust me. Or, they've 'let go' of me.

And it's kinda like that with God. God's not a control-freak, not micromanaging. I'm free to make mistakes. I have nothing to prove and no need to explain.