Honestly, before this semester/summer, I never really understood the concept of "loving the world", and why it was so hard to just... not love world. I've never been super materialistic or appearance-oriented, which is what I associated with "loving the world". I was also not really success-oriented; my goal was not to be rich and famous or anything. But now I realize that being worldly is much deeper than that. And it means something different for everyone, because everyone is tempted by different values of the world.
Friday, someone in my discussion group said he really wanted to just put God aside for 20 years, spend his time networking or doing things that would really advance him in life, and then after he's settled down and got everything together, he would go back to God. A brother replied honestly, saying: "You know, I think most of us think that; we just don't vocalize it. But here's the question: how do you know you can go back to God?". Another brother told a true story of someone who actually thought that and did that and then died without ever being able to get back to God. And then he said: "Even though it seems like other things are more important/worthwhile, I would argue that God is the most important".
Last semester, I would have been so confused at this conversation. Like, 'do Christians actually think that and not verbalize that? If you think that at all, you must not know God. Because if you know God, you will fall in love with Him and that thought would never cross your mind.' I would have been pretty disappointed that people aren't in love with God, or don't know Him as a friend.
But now I get it. And now I struggle with worldliness. Sometimes God is relevant in my heart; sometimes I forget that He is. A worldly mindset. where everything I do has to be efficient. It's all about one upping your status or competence or skills. Sure, I'll read the bible and still get something from my time with God. I'll pray. I'll think about God. But when I worship, it feels dry. I just don't feel like worshiping in my free time. You get to this peak point of efficiency where you just lose touch with your heart. Your life becomes about optimization and efficiency and feeling awesome from getting things done and having great interactions with people and giving great presentations and seemingly having everything going for you. But
The sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his own business ~James111
Worldliness. It catches up to you. and you don't even realize it. May the One who is able to move and soften my heart do so, that it would once again be softened, and stripped of all pride. That I may be pure and see God.
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