I finally let God back into all of my heart.
I have been like a little kid who wants to hold onto candy, afraid that God will take it away--or worse, that God will take away my desire for candy. I guess I realized, with the help of people, that letting God into all areas of my life doesn't mean that He will take everything away. That's not why He wants a relationship with us. A father doesn't grab candy from a kid's hands and say harshly "no candy, ever! only daddy!" lol. In fact, sometimes the desires we have are from God. If it's not, He will gently change them--I guess that's what I was afraid of. I wanted to keep my desires and thus keep God far away from them, lest He change my desires. lol... that's the little blind kid in me. Sometimes it takes some clarification and changing of mindsets and changing of perceptions about God to let God in. And that's what happened today. Thank God for spiritual mothers and fathers. :) Of course, I have still a lot to learn about God. Now I just have to trust Him--that He wants the best for me, and that He knows what's best, and most of all, that He knows.
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