Doubting Introspection; Loving the Word

Just a reminder to myself and others that too much introspection is dangerous!

I was reminded from a timely sermon, but also from my bad introspection-on-the-25-hour-bus-ride experience this past day. Afterwards, I just felt so disconnected from people. And I know that is a dangerous place to be--to feel disconnected from the body of Christ. So I think I'm going to stop this introspection and instead eat the bread of life and truth, and speak truth to myself.

Bill Johnson: "I used to do it [--introspection--] so often that I developed a habit of living introspectively. I wanted to serve the Lord right; I wanted to walk in great purity".

"The seasons that I do well, I just love serving You and I'm not really concerned about all this stuff"

--

Instead,

"Take that Word--it's a two edged sword--so it actually cuts deep, but brings healing at the same time"

In other words, God's Word is better than introspection, better than anything we can find within ourselves. Because His Word gives life and changes us.

"In the natural, you get hungry by not eating. In the spiritual you get hungry by eating. If you lack hunger, eat."

which reminds me of a song: The More I Seek You

o God, you're so beautiful. This is one of those songs that makes my heart ache.

I am...

fully loved,

fully accepted

I have nothing to lose,

nothing to prove,

nothing to hide

and I am free to make mistakes

--

Yesterday at BB meeting, we were asked to remember those six things (listed above), and each day this week to see which one speaks out to us the most and why, and record the situations in which we experience God being present in our lives. This is a great way to share your testimony of each week, each day. You don't always have to share your life testimony. Your testimony is how God is with you every day and week, and month.

I am fully loved; I do not need to earn love, or be afraid of losing it. That one spoke to me yesterday.

You Hold Me Now

Last Sunday, Pastor Todd preached at First Assembly of God. After his sermon, he played a song. For some reason, I recorded the song. I'm glad I did. Here it is:

People you don't know

Jesus looked at the crowds and had compassion on them.

I was just thinking of my friend who is almost a doctor... doing residency now. Just hearing how she can't take it anymore, can't continue, can't see all these people dying, in pain, all the time. And then she goes to a relative's funeral. And wonders why she should cry more if someone she knew died. There are so many who are dying all the time. But actually, these patients. She knows them now. She hears their stories.

I was just thinking about that and how we can be easily overwhelmed by the pain that surrounds us, not just in our lives, but in all those around us. Of course, I cannot even begin to understand my friend's situation, because she sees people dying and in pain almost 24/7... she's there all the time, and doesn't get much sleep.

And of course I can't even begin to understand how much God grieves for those who don't believe, who don't trust Him, who destroy themselves without knowing it, who ingest pain. If we can cry for people we don't know, how much more can God weep for those He does know, since He knows us all.

Jesus looked on the crowds and had compassion on them.

Then what?

Then Jesus sits and cries?

No. He preaches, heals, speaks truth, comforts, corrects, loves.

He gives them hope.

He says Your sins are forgiven--Sin no more.

He says, Your faith has healed you; go in peace.

He says There is one thing you lack--sell everything you have, give to the poor and follow me. He says Cast your net on the other side

He says.

He preaches.

He speaks truth.

He gives life.

He loves.

He doesn't just mourn. He has compassion and then goes to heal them or to tell them what they need to hear.

There are appropriate times for mourning and grieving. But there are also times when we must ask for God's hope to fill us, where we must have faith in His faithfulness, and be confident of the work He is doing. To pray and know that He hears. To pray and know that we have received what we have prayed for. To believe in transformation, for us and for other brothers/sisters. To fast.

Lord, give me wisdom to know what is appropriate.

Thank you for giving me wisdom.

Defend Yourself

Mark 4:18-19

"Still others, like seed sown among thorns hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful"

The worries of this life. what a lie those worries are. Worries that steal our heart. I'm taking the sword of God's word and defending myself from the worries of this life. Don't you dare steal my heart.

Life is short. What are we doing if our heart isn't after Him? What in this world has stolen our heart from God? What on this earth can possibly compare, can possibly compete, can possibly steal our heart from the One we love? And yet it's true again and again. That we forget that it was God who taught us to walk, who took us by the arms. It was He who healed us and gave us strength.

Psalm 103

"so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those who fear him and his righteousness with their children's children"

Life is short. Seek first the Kingdom of God.

Take hold of the sword and the armor of God and defend yourself.

So Encouraged and Blessed

So encouraged by God's love in others, and people's heart and hunger for God.

So blessed to be able to see hunger and thirst for God all around me.

Moved as I see people weep at the things God weeps for.

quote from Donald Miller:

"...Sometimes you have to watch someone love something before you can love it yourself"

I am blessed to know people who really love God. And sometimes as we watch someone love God, we learn more about how to love God, or what it looks like to love God.

So encouraged by Church and Interfellowship Prayer Meetings.

Keep praying and pursuing God! Don't look at what God has called the people around you to, but ask Him where He is calling YOU.

After Jesus hinted to Peter the kind of death he would die, Peter said to Jesus "Lord, what about him?" Peter was referring to John, probably his closest buddy among the disciples. God had a different path for John. And God calls each of us to different functions, paths, just as He has given us different gifts. Don't compare and don't judge. But pray for each other and love each other.

Throwing out my internship support letters

Today I talked with a friend who encouraged me to think about all my connections, as I struggle to find an internship.

And since then I've been thinking of anyone, everyone I could possibly send an email or fb message to, to ask if they know anyone who works for materials science-related companies that could refer me.

And then I thought of support letters. haha. because yesterday, JW from Campus Crusade was talking about how to raise financial support for missions. One of the things he said was to name-storm a list of 20 people we could ask. except this is not God's Kingdom-related stuff, but I still felt like I was making a list of people in my mind and searching in my mind for every suitable person to ask.

So yea, if you are able to help me out with internships or know someone who is able or who might be able, I'm ready to accept and ask for help.