Interesting things

life isn’t about “interesting things”. God is interesting, yes, but what I mean is... it’s not about the mentality of constantly finding interesting things with which to stimulate your life, … because in the end, what you could be doing is trying to replace God with other “interesting things” that don't satisfy. It's not like we should make our life boring, but if we're afraid of boredom, if we have a disgust for being still and resting, and constantly want to be stimulated by entertainment or exciting events, then maybe something is wrong.

and yet, it's pretty easy to not think about life by constantly finding something to do, people to laugh with, tv shows to watch and keeping your mind and body occupied in that way. and ignore God.

--

Anyway. I'm home for Thanksgiving. It's a nice change, and a totally different world back home than in school. The pace, the mentality, the atmosphere is all different. And there I was, thinking that Cornell was the world, when there are so many worlds out there.

Well, God is here and there and everywhere, and He satisfies. His love is wonderful. May I not forget that and run after "interesting things". At home, it's easier to be still before God, to rest, to meditate on His goodness, His word and not get caught up in social events. Yet, there is also that temptation at home to find mind-stimulating "interesting things" like tv shows or internet surfing/gaming to mimic the effect of the social events. a temporary high and a temporary satisfaction.There are different struggles in different worlds. I'm not saying that those things are necessarily bad. It's just that when we ignore God and use those things as "god".

Well, anyway. Happy Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for God, for Jesus, for the Holy Spirit.

What do I have if I don't have you Jesus

What in this life could mean any more

(Cry in My Heart--Starfield)

All I once held dear, built my life upon

All this world reveres, and wars to own

All I once thought gain, I have counted loss

Spent and worthless now compared to this

Knowing you, Jesus. Knowing you

There's no greater thing

(All I once held dear)

It was I who taught Ephraim to walk,
taking them by the arms;
but they did not realize
it was I who healed them.(Hosea 11:3)

Growing in Christ?

I heard a sermon recently about how we can't judge our spiritual growth by looking at
1.) the "absence" of sin
2.) spiritual activity (ie. reading the bible, prayer, corporate christian meetings, giving to the poor etc.)

because 1. we always sin, but just don't see it. The closer we get to God, the more sin we see. Therefore looking at the "absence" of certain sins is not a way to measure spiritual growth

#2--spiritual activity just measures our spiritual discipline, which is a good thing to have, but it doesn't measure our heart, which is what God looks at. Sometimes, even we ourselves are not able to judge our own hearts.

So, instead, we should look at things that reflect our heart's condition. The pastor gave some examples like: a.) do we care about the things that Jesus cares about? ex. When we hear of people being oppressed unjustly, does it move us like it would move Jesus? ... do we love the things that Jesus loves and hate the things that He hates?
Another indicator of spiritual growth that the pastor mentioned:
b.) hearing His voice more.
c.) fruit of the spirit,--but this is hard to measure since, if we are really growing in love, we would probably be the last one to notice it
d.)if you are finding it easier to give (not just money, but time, love, etc.)
e.) an increasing awareness of our distance from God--because this means that we are getting closer to God and see more of our faults

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Risking for God? Another sermon I listened to on the bus back to NJ

If Jesus turned out to be a myth, what would we would we have lost?--heaven, yes, but what about in our current lives. What are we investing in God? How much time would we have lost? How much of our heart and desires would be lost?

How about school? If college turned out to be a myth, and companies decided that college education was worthless and they would only hire high school grads from now on, what would we have lost?

and which would be the greater loss in our hearts?
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Recently I have been growing more and more in love with my comfort zone. I'm clinging on to a comfortable life, a secure future, people I know well, cultures I'm familiar with, cities with a high education level, cities with great ethnic diversity, etc. All these things I have grown up with and am used to. If God called me to leave my land, my people, my culture, and everything I am comfortable with, would I do it? If God called me to Him, would I really go?--or would I only go to Him if it is convenient, if it is easy to go to Him because everyone around me also seeks Him. ?

Is God truly the source of my joy, or is the loving environment I'm placed in the source of my joy? Is God truly the love of my life, my Hope, my Rock?

Loving God

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

I've been learning how important this is, and how bad it can be when I don't guard my heart. I have a particular continual weakness that often steals my heart--that stole my heart this past semester--, and many times it seemed more real than God, but it's not. It seems to give the same things that God gives--like love and joy and purpose--but it's false and twisted and temporary.

So God has been restoring my heart and turning it back to Him.

Even though I have a lot of questions right now, and I'm still trying to figure out my beliefs on certain theological things, I'm not going to let that get in the way of my relationship with God. It's hard though, but as a sister reminded me through email, --in the end, it's all about God's love and knowing God. I'm so glad Jesus summed up the commandments into :
'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
and 'Love your neighbor as yourself'

Jesus says, in John 17: 23 "I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me."

May all Christians, no matter what theological camp/denomination, be united in God's love because Love brings about unity, and through this we are a testimony to the world.

God bless you all. He loves you, even if you don't know Him yet.

Introspection | defrosting my heart

Yesterday I heard something ---something I've heard before, but this time with a different twist.

"Introspection just doesn't work, so I just stopped doing it"
"What happens if you find something? Now what are you gonna do? It's like the dog who catches the car."
---

Yesterday, in worship, I was laying on some chairs, and God showed me this deep well of emotions that was hidden inside me. It was really far in, and not really visible to the outside. God said to me: "You are afraid to love me, just like you are afraid to love [other people]". And I realized how true that is. Not just the first part, but also the second part.

Psalm 139: 7
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

One of the things I've been doing is just remembering all the times that God has been with me in my life--(He's always there). And it helps a little. But my heart still needs some defrosting. Actually a lot.

Thinking about life, again

There are periods in my life when I think too much. Thinking too much causes confusion, but I can't seem to let it go. Here are some thoughts; they are subjective, as are all my thoughts.

I think that all four statements below are true

1: Life is hard, even when it’s not.
2: You are alone, even when you are not.

3: Life is easy, even when it’s not.
4: You are never alone, even when you are.


(1)Life is confusing and overwhelming if you think about it too much. Even if everything is going well in life, you can think, get confused and lose all motivation for everything. It’s hard to hang on because you want to. It’s easy to hang onto life for the sake of hanging on.
(2)One day, no human will be there for you or no one will understand you, and you will be alone even if you are surrounded by friends.
(3)Jesus carries our burdens. He died for us. He has already won.
(4) God is always with you. And He knows. Everything.


I can't seem to give up thinking about life. It gives me some satisfaction when I come up with some conclusions that satisfy me. But the questions are endless. I know I need to work on living in the present. But that requires so much trust. I'm afraid that I'll be blind if I live in the present and stop thinking about life. What does living in the present even mean? Some people don't live in the past, don't live in the future, AND don't live in the present. They live in themselves. They have this internal world of thoughts and emotions. That is bad. They risk losing connection with the world, and with other people, which worsens their problem.

Sometimes what I really want to do is to just enjoy friendship, enjoy music, enjoy life and companionship. But is life really about just enjoying things? Is life all about fun?

Colossians 3:2 "Set your minds on things above, not earthly things"

1 Corinthians 13: 2-3 "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing"

Life without God is inherently meaningless. If we don't set our minds on things above, if we think as the world thinks, then we can only become more and more confused and overwhelmed.
Life is complex, but it is also very simple.


Ecclesiastes 1:18 "For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief"

One pastor once explained this verse as meaning the more we know about what could be, the more sorrow we have because we realize how great the difference between what could be and what is. The more we experience God, the more we understand how wonderful His love and how wonderful everything about Him is, the more grief we feel for those who are suffering in the world because we see how they could have experienced what we have experienced and known what we know, and yet the difference between what could be and what is grieves us.


Sometimes I think that the more I think, the more conclusions I will come up with and then one day I will have many conclusions and be satisfied. But the truth is I'll never be satisfied with my own conclusions. Life without God is inherently meaningless. There are endless questions and no answers if your mind isn't set on things above. Each "answer" directs to another question, and no answer can satisfy as THE Answer satisfies. Jesus is THE Answer.

Why do I forget that?
Why do I not trust?
Thinking about it, it's pretty dumb that I don't trust. What was I going to do? Trust myself? yea, right. My thoughts and emotions are about the least reliable thing in my world, and yet I find it hard to trust God? why? O stubborn self, why? Why do you do what is stupid and think about foolish things?

God is so merciful.

A Poem to the God of my life

"By day the Lord directs His love,
At night His song is with me--
A prayer to the God of my life" Psalm 42:8

A Poem to the God of my life

We realize when our core motivation breaks down,
How we had not been standing on solid ground.
It is not just all an act,
For with God we can make an impact

The world’s standards and God’s are not the same
What is potential, what is glory, what is a good name?
When people look into our eyes and smile,
We think that our life has been worthwhile
But when our efforts are below the mean,
Who we are and what we do goes unseen
Or so in our minds it does seem.

But Jesus gave hope to the prostitute, the widow, the lost
The weak, the weary, the wounded—and at what cost?
Blood and water and pain
Through all this He did make plain:
We are His children whom He does love,
And He hopes that we may always look above

For on Earth, our hearts should not live,
So with that thought, may we forever give,
Our all in all to our sweet true love,
May He be who we always think of

Prone to wander and to forget
To be distressed and to be upset
We are shaky and unstable
In dilemma and unable
Blind, lost, confused
Always ready to blow our fuse,
Give up on God and His views.

So Lord, take our hearts and seal it,
And lead us where you see fit.
To you O Lord, we do hold on tight
May you help us to fight this fight.

When we are weak, we see
How, by ourselves we cannot flee
The sins and ways of this place
O God, would you come and give us your embrace

Remind, teach and guide
Your children to abide
To trust and obey
In all that you say

O how I long to see your face,
For you to give me an embrace
But I know you are always here,
And that I have nothing to fear
For on myself I do not rely
And you O Lord, never say goodbye

"I want to be a hero"

So, I was listening to this song called "Never let go" by Bryan Adams. It is the ending song of the movie The Guardian.

I was listening, and soon I became really inspired/motivated to do work again (after hours of procrastinating).

And I thought: why? Why is this song inspiring me?

So I thought for a while. The movie is a heroic, inspirational kind of movie, and so is the song. And so I realized that (1) I want to be a hero; (2) I want to be an inspiration.

Why?

Reason 1: It gives purpose and meaning.

As I was typing this in my "journal"/word document, I found myself reminding myself that everything is meaningless unless you know Jesus, because this world is temporary. If you are a really inspirational football coach and you make your team all "succeed" at life, it doesn't matter if your team didn't know Christ. Worldly success is all just temporary.

Reason 2: The world is too pessimistic. More things are possible than what they believe are possible. And even that previous sentence is pessimistic in Jesus' standards becaus Jesus said everything is possible.

And yet, "inspiring" people to believe that everything is possible is not a very good way to go about it. It's more like leading people to God, building them up in the Lord, and letting God do ALL of this "inspirational"/teaching/leading work.
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Just some thoughts.
Well, anyhow, I still like the song :) and the movie.
God is inspiring---just who He is--that is inspiring, and altogether amazing.
Hope He has given to us, so let us give that hope to others also.

And I guess the above sentence is one definition of inspiration.
so, "I want to be an inspiration" can just as easily translate into:
"I want to show other people the wonderful hope God has given me, so that they can have it too"

God Bless.