Just went to Target @8:30pm on a Sunday.
It was so cold outside--I was wearing short sleeves with long pants. It's only the beginning of September; it's not supposed to be that cold at 8:30pm. What's wrong with the east coast? It's like as soon as school starts, it's cold. It makes me think of the high school days when I waited at the bus stop for the school bus. Also made me wonder how I survived last winter. I dont even remember what I did last winter. Just went ice skating a few times, visited Cornell a few times.... what am I doing with my life? This is what cold weather inspires. A lot of thinking.
I'm living and thinking like there's no eternity or something. In college, I used to think that it's okay if I die, since I'll be with God and I can't wait for that day. But now, there's really very little of eternity in my heart. I'm living for the present and it's pretty sad. I'm 23 and I don't have much longer that I can easily just do whatever the hell I want to do. gosh, 23 is like mid-age already in my mind. Basically by 25 or 26, most people have decided the realm of what they want to do with their life. Spiritually, the age people grow the most is when they are young too.
oh right, forgot why i mentioned target @830 on a Sunday. It closes at 9pm cuz it's a Sunday. Feels weird to work Tues-Saturday sometimes. But that's such a first-world-country-middle-class problem; should stop fussing about my works schedule. As the economy gets better, people's mouths get larger too.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Monday, September 2, 2013
Waking up
It's hard to wake up on the weekends.
It's really strange how my body seems to know when it is a weekday and when it is a weekend.
This Sunday I finally made it to church after missing the past two weekends. I forced myself to get up and shower, and when I finally got in the car it felt like a weekday,
What is a weekday? A weekday is responsibilities, people, surprises, speed, passion. I guess that's what a weekend should be too. I must be missing out on life.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Sacrifice
What is wisdom without love
And what is love without sacrifice
it's hard to care about everything, and you can't always please everyone, but sometimes sacrifice is love.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Concept of Moving
Hmm. I guess I haven't blogged in a long time. Ever since google reader disappeared
I've been working more, treating work as if it were school, not really separating work and "off" time, but instead kind of integrating both in my free time. Work a bit, take a break, work a bit when i feel like it, take a break. Kind of like school. And maybe it's because I sometimes believe that I can single-handedly make a big difference in my company. It's the blessing and the curse of being in one of the busiest groups full of new grads. The blessing is that there is always more you can do, and therefore no limitation to the difference you can make, and the curse is that even if you didn't want to work a lot, you would still have to, to some extent. I guess, for my current situation, it more of a blessing, or an opportunity to grow and learn.
So, the people here, and the families/lives they lead are completely different from what I'm used to. Growing up in a middle-class/uppper-middle-class Asian dominated community in central NJ, it was very rare for anyone I knew to move away to another state or city/school-district, especially if they had kids. That was really weird. If they lost their job, they most likely got another job in the same area, and maybe a handful would be forced to find a job a few hours away and just drive back on the weekends. But here in the capital region in the super high tech super competitive sect of the semiconductor industry, people just pick up and move when they are unhappy, or when they want a promotion (or when they get laid off). --Many in my company have moved across multiple countries even--and most who came have been in more than 1 other state before.
I've never experienced such mobile people. I think when you are little, this fear of moving is implanted into your soul. Fear of losing your best friends, losing that familiar environment, and everything that you know. But I think it is true what the articles say. The older you grow, the more difficult it is to make deep friendships because it is harder to spend time with each other they way you did before (and perhaps less vulnerabilities show when you become a proficient smiley professional who tucks emotions far back away). And I guess therefore, it becomes much easier to move.
But all of that is just physical location moving. What about moving spiritually? The older you get the harder it is? Too many present things filling our lives that we forget about the eternity we should live for.
Of all of this, what remains?
I've been working more, treating work as if it were school, not really separating work and "off" time, but instead kind of integrating both in my free time. Work a bit, take a break, work a bit when i feel like it, take a break. Kind of like school. And maybe it's because I sometimes believe that I can single-handedly make a big difference in my company. It's the blessing and the curse of being in one of the busiest groups full of new grads. The blessing is that there is always more you can do, and therefore no limitation to the difference you can make, and the curse is that even if you didn't want to work a lot, you would still have to, to some extent. I guess, for my current situation, it more of a blessing, or an opportunity to grow and learn.
So, the people here, and the families/lives they lead are completely different from what I'm used to. Growing up in a middle-class/uppper-middle-class Asian dominated community in central NJ, it was very rare for anyone I knew to move away to another state or city/school-district, especially if they had kids. That was really weird. If they lost their job, they most likely got another job in the same area, and maybe a handful would be forced to find a job a few hours away and just drive back on the weekends. But here in the capital region in the super high tech super competitive sect of the semiconductor industry, people just pick up and move when they are unhappy, or when they want a promotion (or when they get laid off). --Many in my company have moved across multiple countries even--and most who came have been in more than 1 other state before.
I've never experienced such mobile people. I think when you are little, this fear of moving is implanted into your soul. Fear of losing your best friends, losing that familiar environment, and everything that you know. But I think it is true what the articles say. The older you grow, the more difficult it is to make deep friendships because it is harder to spend time with each other they way you did before (and perhaps less vulnerabilities show when you become a proficient smiley professional who tucks emotions far back away). And I guess therefore, it becomes much easier to move.
But all of that is just physical location moving. What about moving spiritually? The older you get the harder it is? Too many present things filling our lives that we forget about the eternity we should live for.
Of all of this, what remains?
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
1 Year Anniversary
My mom sent me the sweetest text today.
Happy anniversary for your job - remember you said you could not pass one year!
I forgot that it was my job anniversary. My mom always reminds me to be grateful.
Happy anniversary for your job - remember you said you could not pass one year!
I forgot that it was my job anniversary. My mom always reminds me to be grateful.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Getting Old
I had this sudden realization when I was back home. My mom's teeth were hurting, and it hit me that my parents are getting old. That I'm pretty much on my own very soon. That this cycle of life is slowly turning and it's becoming my turn.
Made me ponder that verse where the guy wants to follow Jesus, but asks to first bury his father. But Jesus says to let that go. Let the dead bury the dead.
This is it. What am I doing? Or, maybe the question is: how am I doing? How am I spending my time...
Will I be ready for God? Or stuck in my ways of life
a couple coworkers asked me this weekend why I was working 24/7. I remember when I first started at this company, I told a coworker that my policy was to go home as early as possible, and not to overwork. She asked why that was so, since usually people have the idea that they should work harder while they are still young. I said something about how it's not a good habit to work a lot--then you don't get to develop your life outside of work. And then you can't get out of working a lot. Something like that. Forgot what I said, but maybe it was a bit naive at the time. I think working a bit more is fine, as long as you know who you are even at work. Don't forget the people around you. A leader encourages, cares and creates other leaders, not hogs the attention.
most importantly don't forget to think about how you are doing. with Jesus. If work gets in the way, push it back. Most of the time, it's unrelated, esp in causation, though there probably is correlation. Work doesn't worsen relationships inherently, but your heart towards it (and during it) might.
Made me ponder that verse where the guy wants to follow Jesus, but asks to first bury his father. But Jesus says to let that go. Let the dead bury the dead.
This is it. What am I doing? Or, maybe the question is: how am I doing? How am I spending my time...
Will I be ready for God? Or stuck in my ways of life
a couple coworkers asked me this weekend why I was working 24/7. I remember when I first started at this company, I told a coworker that my policy was to go home as early as possible, and not to overwork. She asked why that was so, since usually people have the idea that they should work harder while they are still young. I said something about how it's not a good habit to work a lot--then you don't get to develop your life outside of work. And then you can't get out of working a lot. Something like that. Forgot what I said, but maybe it was a bit naive at the time. I think working a bit more is fine, as long as you know who you are even at work. Don't forget the people around you. A leader encourages, cares and creates other leaders, not hogs the attention.
most importantly don't forget to think about how you are doing. with Jesus. If work gets in the way, push it back. Most of the time, it's unrelated, esp in causation, though there probably is correlation. Work doesn't worsen relationships inherently, but your heart towards it (and during it) might.
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