Thoughts

Can we love someone we don't know? Can we love God if we don't know God? And though we know Him, there is still more to know.

The bible uses this logic: How can we love God if we don't even love our brothers whom we can see.
[is it easier to love people you see?--- it depends on how you define "loving people" right? Sometimes we think of love as this idea or image of warm feelings or whatnot. You can't love someone you don't know, because you are just loving the idea of that person? right? ]

back to the logic use:... by the same logic... :

how can we know God if we don't even know our brothers (non-gendered terminology here)

but people really don't make sense. At times they do. and at times they don't. We think there's something deeper, but then there isn't. But then later, there is. But then how deep can we go? how much deeper is there to a person? We probably don't even understand ourselves. I know I don't.

Are we supposed to make sense of everything? no. we can't. we can try. It's good to think, but not to overthink.. and overanalyze. because then your thoughts run in circles and it's futile.

These were (part) of my distracting thoughts today. This occurs sometimes. Not every day; at least not recently. Thank God. or else I'd be confused. again.

Satan likes invading our thoughts and confusing us. That's why we need to rebuke false thoughts with His word. Have God's thoughts! Pray for His will! God sees the big picture and we don't; therefore if we try to think from our perspective, we will just get confused. haha. but this doesn't mean that we shouldn't think at all.

kay, I've got work to do

A Dreamer at Heart

I have been reflecting back to sophomore year in high school. I used to be very idealistic? if that's the right world. I wanted to change the world. It was the year that I got emotional about everything that was wrong with the world.

I'm becoming more and more 'okay' with the normal path of life.. with these comforts and people, and I'm not sure if I'd be willing any longer to leave this for some idealistic dream that might not come to pass. I'm not sure if I dream that much any more. And yet, sometimes I still do. Here are 2 little bits of a poem I wrote at 2am today

Though I’m a dreamer at heart

Fear keeps me from being apart

From things I see day to day

From the plowed path, the expected way

Will I always be afraid

That everything will fade

Why do I still hold on

When I know it will be gone

I remember this quote:
"When your memories are greater than your dreams, you are beginning to die".

I think, part of the reason that keeps me from dreaming as much, is that dreamers are often lonely. People who want to change things must go out of their way, out of their comfort zone, and that often can be quite lonely, even if you're surrounded by people.

Fear of loneliness and depression ...is an issue that needs more attention than it gets. because the mind (and emotion) are dangerous. Your own thoughts can deceive you.

Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things (col 3:2)

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:7)
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Phil 4:8)

Often, I forget that my mind (not just my heart) also needs to be guarded.
Thank God for His mercy and grace.

Interesting things

life isn’t about “interesting things”. God is interesting, yes, but what I mean is... it’s not about the mentality of constantly finding interesting things with which to stimulate your life, … because in the end, what you could be doing is trying to replace God with other “interesting things” that don't satisfy. It's not like we should make our life boring, but if we're afraid of boredom, if we have a disgust for being still and resting, and constantly want to be stimulated by entertainment or exciting events, then maybe something is wrong.

and yet, it's pretty easy to not think about life by constantly finding something to do, people to laugh with, tv shows to watch and keeping your mind and body occupied in that way. and ignore God.

--

Anyway. I'm home for Thanksgiving. It's a nice change, and a totally different world back home than in school. The pace, the mentality, the atmosphere is all different. And there I was, thinking that Cornell was the world, when there are so many worlds out there.

Well, God is here and there and everywhere, and He satisfies. His love is wonderful. May I not forget that and run after "interesting things". At home, it's easier to be still before God, to rest, to meditate on His goodness, His word and not get caught up in social events. Yet, there is also that temptation at home to find mind-stimulating "interesting things" like tv shows or internet surfing/gaming to mimic the effect of the social events. a temporary high and a temporary satisfaction.There are different struggles in different worlds. I'm not saying that those things are necessarily bad. It's just that when we ignore God and use those things as "god".

Well, anyway. Happy Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for God, for Jesus, for the Holy Spirit.

What do I have if I don't have you Jesus

What in this life could mean any more

(Cry in My Heart--Starfield)

All I once held dear, built my life upon

All this world reveres, and wars to own

All I once thought gain, I have counted loss

Spent and worthless now compared to this

Knowing you, Jesus. Knowing you

There's no greater thing

(All I once held dear)

It was I who taught Ephraim to walk,
taking them by the arms;
but they did not realize
it was I who healed them.(Hosea 11:3)

Growing in Christ?

I heard a sermon recently about how we can't judge our spiritual growth by looking at
1.) the "absence" of sin
2.) spiritual activity (ie. reading the bible, prayer, corporate christian meetings, giving to the poor etc.)

because 1. we always sin, but just don't see it. The closer we get to God, the more sin we see. Therefore looking at the "absence" of certain sins is not a way to measure spiritual growth

#2--spiritual activity just measures our spiritual discipline, which is a good thing to have, but it doesn't measure our heart, which is what God looks at. Sometimes, even we ourselves are not able to judge our own hearts.

So, instead, we should look at things that reflect our heart's condition. The pastor gave some examples like: a.) do we care about the things that Jesus cares about? ex. When we hear of people being oppressed unjustly, does it move us like it would move Jesus? ... do we love the things that Jesus loves and hate the things that He hates?
Another indicator of spiritual growth that the pastor mentioned:
b.) hearing His voice more.
c.) fruit of the spirit,--but this is hard to measure since, if we are really growing in love, we would probably be the last one to notice it
d.)if you are finding it easier to give (not just money, but time, love, etc.)
e.) an increasing awareness of our distance from God--because this means that we are getting closer to God and see more of our faults

---
Risking for God? Another sermon I listened to on the bus back to NJ

If Jesus turned out to be a myth, what would we would we have lost?--heaven, yes, but what about in our current lives. What are we investing in God? How much time would we have lost? How much of our heart and desires would be lost?

How about school? If college turned out to be a myth, and companies decided that college education was worthless and they would only hire high school grads from now on, what would we have lost?

and which would be the greater loss in our hearts?
---

Recently I have been growing more and more in love with my comfort zone. I'm clinging on to a comfortable life, a secure future, people I know well, cultures I'm familiar with, cities with a high education level, cities with great ethnic diversity, etc. All these things I have grown up with and am used to. If God called me to leave my land, my people, my culture, and everything I am comfortable with, would I do it? If God called me to Him, would I really go?--or would I only go to Him if it is convenient, if it is easy to go to Him because everyone around me also seeks Him. ?

Is God truly the source of my joy, or is the loving environment I'm placed in the source of my joy? Is God truly the love of my life, my Hope, my Rock?

Loving God

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

I've been learning how important this is, and how bad it can be when I don't guard my heart. I have a particular continual weakness that often steals my heart--that stole my heart this past semester--, and many times it seemed more real than God, but it's not. It seems to give the same things that God gives--like love and joy and purpose--but it's false and twisted and temporary.

So God has been restoring my heart and turning it back to Him.

Even though I have a lot of questions right now, and I'm still trying to figure out my beliefs on certain theological things, I'm not going to let that get in the way of my relationship with God. It's hard though, but as a sister reminded me through email, --in the end, it's all about God's love and knowing God. I'm so glad Jesus summed up the commandments into :
'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
and 'Love your neighbor as yourself'

Jesus says, in John 17: 23 "I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me."

May all Christians, no matter what theological camp/denomination, be united in God's love because Love brings about unity, and through this we are a testimony to the world.

God bless you all. He loves you, even if you don't know Him yet.

Introspection | defrosting my heart

Yesterday I heard something ---something I've heard before, but this time with a different twist.

"Introspection just doesn't work, so I just stopped doing it"
"What happens if you find something? Now what are you gonna do? It's like the dog who catches the car."
---

Yesterday, in worship, I was laying on some chairs, and God showed me this deep well of emotions that was hidden inside me. It was really far in, and not really visible to the outside. God said to me: "You are afraid to love me, just like you are afraid to love [other people]". And I realized how true that is. Not just the first part, but also the second part.

Psalm 139: 7
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

One of the things I've been doing is just remembering all the times that God has been with me in my life--(He's always there). And it helps a little. But my heart still needs some defrosting. Actually a lot.

Thinking about life, again

There are periods in my life when I think too much. Thinking too much causes confusion, but I can't seem to let it go. Here are some thoughts; they are subjective, as are all my thoughts.

I think that all four statements below are true

1: Life is hard, even when it’s not.
2: You are alone, even when you are not.

3: Life is easy, even when it’s not.
4: You are never alone, even when you are.


(1)Life is confusing and overwhelming if you think about it too much. Even if everything is going well in life, you can think, get confused and lose all motivation for everything. It’s hard to hang on because you want to. It’s easy to hang onto life for the sake of hanging on.
(2)One day, no human will be there for you or no one will understand you, and you will be alone even if you are surrounded by friends.
(3)Jesus carries our burdens. He died for us. He has already won.
(4) God is always with you. And He knows. Everything.


I can't seem to give up thinking about life. It gives me some satisfaction when I come up with some conclusions that satisfy me. But the questions are endless. I know I need to work on living in the present. But that requires so much trust. I'm afraid that I'll be blind if I live in the present and stop thinking about life. What does living in the present even mean? Some people don't live in the past, don't live in the future, AND don't live in the present. They live in themselves. They have this internal world of thoughts and emotions. That is bad. They risk losing connection with the world, and with other people, which worsens their problem.

Sometimes what I really want to do is to just enjoy friendship, enjoy music, enjoy life and companionship. But is life really about just enjoying things? Is life all about fun?

Colossians 3:2 "Set your minds on things above, not earthly things"

1 Corinthians 13: 2-3 "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing"

Life without God is inherently meaningless. If we don't set our minds on things above, if we think as the world thinks, then we can only become more and more confused and overwhelmed.
Life is complex, but it is also very simple.


Ecclesiastes 1:18 "For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief"

One pastor once explained this verse as meaning the more we know about what could be, the more sorrow we have because we realize how great the difference between what could be and what is. The more we experience God, the more we understand how wonderful His love and how wonderful everything about Him is, the more grief we feel for those who are suffering in the world because we see how they could have experienced what we have experienced and known what we know, and yet the difference between what could be and what is grieves us.


Sometimes I think that the more I think, the more conclusions I will come up with and then one day I will have many conclusions and be satisfied. But the truth is I'll never be satisfied with my own conclusions. Life without God is inherently meaningless. There are endless questions and no answers if your mind isn't set on things above. Each "answer" directs to another question, and no answer can satisfy as THE Answer satisfies. Jesus is THE Answer.

Why do I forget that?
Why do I not trust?
Thinking about it, it's pretty dumb that I don't trust. What was I going to do? Trust myself? yea, right. My thoughts and emotions are about the least reliable thing in my world, and yet I find it hard to trust God? why? O stubborn self, why? Why do you do what is stupid and think about foolish things?

God is so merciful.