After a year of going to the same Church, I'm still in the newbie position. I know like 15 people, maybe 20, even thought there's probably 400. Partially because it's an American Church and they don't have "lunch time" (informally or officially) afterwards, and partially because I don't have kids--since you know how kids are so pure that they make friends in 5 minutes and then afterwards, the moms of the kids become friends too. And because i worked Saturdays, whenever there was hiking or random activities, I couldn't go.
Anyway, getting to the point. Tribe (small groups) started again (since apparently they shut down in the summer), and after the first tribe meeting, the leaders messaged me thanking me for coming. I was instantly reminded of CBS/college fellowships, where we send our first time visitors things after coming, to make them feel noticed and welcomed, so that perhaps they will come again. (That's how CBS got me actually--that, and a promise of a 1:1 prayer partner--which in my mind meant guaranteed close friend). Anyway, back to the point.. I felt really moved at that message.
This past week was my first M-F (monday to friday) week in the past year of working. Finally, I'm back to M-F schedule. I had to celebrate by "doing something" on Saturday, so I went and played frisbee with people from Church--(we have a central posting system where you can see what activities people are doing and join them, kind of like facebook). Today one of the sisters who played frisbee with me this Saturday messaged me and asked me how I was doing. I had just met her for the first time this Saturday.
Thinking back this past year, I'm really thankful for all the people in my Church and surrounding Churches / Christians in the area who have reached out to me and welcomed me to their groups, or asked me how I was doing, though they barely knew me. And now thinking about it, I used to be in that position where I was able to reach out to visitors, care for them, talk to them and pray that they would not fall away if they came only occasionally. I want to be in that position again. In the "home" position, where this is my home and I welcome people in, and make them feel included, and welcomed and make sure they don't get lost.
I guess there is the home position and the "go" position (ie missionaries)... and... I'm in the wanderer position. Wandering around looking for ..i dont even know
Anyway, even the 'go' position is a 'home' position. Your home can be moving, because home is where the family of Christ is. Home crosses all borders, all cultural barriers, age gaps, educational differences and economic statuses. God is in you and you are welcoming people to your home
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Realistic
In a meeting where we are discussing some things,
The manager says: "We have to be realistic"
That sentence stayed with me for a few days.
I thought back to my church's "woman's ministry's kickoff event" where the pastor's wife talked about something some women fantasize about and said "that is an idol" .
So these phrases rolled around in my head " you have to be realistic". "that is an idol".
Lying on my bed with these thoughts in my head, I said to myself: Jamie, you have to be realistic. Your imagined life is an idol. You have to be realistic.
Then I thought back to one of the "TheTruthProject" videos we watched in this young adult group i go to. In one of the discussions, they said, Truth is God's reality.
If insanity is a loss of touch with reality , then I'm slowly going insane.
Jamie, you have to be realistic.You need to see with God's reality. And you need God
The manager says: "We have to be realistic"
That sentence stayed with me for a few days.
I thought back to my church's "woman's ministry's kickoff event" where the pastor's wife talked about something some women fantasize about and said "that is an idol" .
So these phrases rolled around in my head " you have to be realistic". "that is an idol".
Lying on my bed with these thoughts in my head, I said to myself: Jamie, you have to be realistic. Your imagined life is an idol. You have to be realistic.
Then I thought back to one of the "TheTruthProject" videos we watched in this young adult group i go to. In one of the discussions, they said, Truth is God's reality.
If insanity is a loss of touch with reality , then I'm slowly going insane.
Jamie, you have to be realistic.You need to see with God's reality. And you need God
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Another Winter
Just went to Target @8:30pm on a Sunday.
It was so cold outside--I was wearing short sleeves with long pants. It's only the beginning of September; it's not supposed to be that cold at 8:30pm. What's wrong with the east coast? It's like as soon as school starts, it's cold. It makes me think of the high school days when I waited at the bus stop for the school bus. Also made me wonder how I survived last winter. I dont even remember what I did last winter. Just went ice skating a few times, visited Cornell a few times.... what am I doing with my life? This is what cold weather inspires. A lot of thinking.
I'm living and thinking like there's no eternity or something. In college, I used to think that it's okay if I die, since I'll be with God and I can't wait for that day. But now, there's really very little of eternity in my heart. I'm living for the present and it's pretty sad. I'm 23 and I don't have much longer that I can easily just do whatever the hell I want to do. gosh, 23 is like mid-age already in my mind. Basically by 25 or 26, most people have decided the realm of what they want to do with their life. Spiritually, the age people grow the most is when they are young too.
oh right, forgot why i mentioned target @830 on a Sunday. It closes at 9pm cuz it's a Sunday. Feels weird to work Tues-Saturday sometimes. But that's such a first-world-country-middle-class problem; should stop fussing about my works schedule. As the economy gets better, people's mouths get larger too.
It was so cold outside--I was wearing short sleeves with long pants. It's only the beginning of September; it's not supposed to be that cold at 8:30pm. What's wrong with the east coast? It's like as soon as school starts, it's cold. It makes me think of the high school days when I waited at the bus stop for the school bus. Also made me wonder how I survived last winter. I dont even remember what I did last winter. Just went ice skating a few times, visited Cornell a few times.... what am I doing with my life? This is what cold weather inspires. A lot of thinking.
I'm living and thinking like there's no eternity or something. In college, I used to think that it's okay if I die, since I'll be with God and I can't wait for that day. But now, there's really very little of eternity in my heart. I'm living for the present and it's pretty sad. I'm 23 and I don't have much longer that I can easily just do whatever the hell I want to do. gosh, 23 is like mid-age already in my mind. Basically by 25 or 26, most people have decided the realm of what they want to do with their life. Spiritually, the age people grow the most is when they are young too.
oh right, forgot why i mentioned target @830 on a Sunday. It closes at 9pm cuz it's a Sunday. Feels weird to work Tues-Saturday sometimes. But that's such a first-world-country-middle-class problem; should stop fussing about my works schedule. As the economy gets better, people's mouths get larger too.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Waking up
It's hard to wake up on the weekends.
It's really strange how my body seems to know when it is a weekday and when it is a weekend.
This Sunday I finally made it to church after missing the past two weekends. I forced myself to get up and shower, and when I finally got in the car it felt like a weekday,
What is a weekday? A weekday is responsibilities, people, surprises, speed, passion. I guess that's what a weekend should be too. I must be missing out on life.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Sacrifice
What is wisdom without love
And what is love without sacrifice
it's hard to care about everything, and you can't always please everyone, but sometimes sacrifice is love.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Concept of Moving
Hmm. I guess I haven't blogged in a long time. Ever since google reader disappeared
I've been working more, treating work as if it were school, not really separating work and "off" time, but instead kind of integrating both in my free time. Work a bit, take a break, work a bit when i feel like it, take a break. Kind of like school. And maybe it's because I sometimes believe that I can single-handedly make a big difference in my company. It's the blessing and the curse of being in one of the busiest groups full of new grads. The blessing is that there is always more you can do, and therefore no limitation to the difference you can make, and the curse is that even if you didn't want to work a lot, you would still have to, to some extent. I guess, for my current situation, it more of a blessing, or an opportunity to grow and learn.
So, the people here, and the families/lives they lead are completely different from what I'm used to. Growing up in a middle-class/uppper-middle-class Asian dominated community in central NJ, it was very rare for anyone I knew to move away to another state or city/school-district, especially if they had kids. That was really weird. If they lost their job, they most likely got another job in the same area, and maybe a handful would be forced to find a job a few hours away and just drive back on the weekends. But here in the capital region in the super high tech super competitive sect of the semiconductor industry, people just pick up and move when they are unhappy, or when they want a promotion (or when they get laid off). --Many in my company have moved across multiple countries even--and most who came have been in more than 1 other state before.
I've never experienced such mobile people. I think when you are little, this fear of moving is implanted into your soul. Fear of losing your best friends, losing that familiar environment, and everything that you know. But I think it is true what the articles say. The older you grow, the more difficult it is to make deep friendships because it is harder to spend time with each other they way you did before (and perhaps less vulnerabilities show when you become a proficient smiley professional who tucks emotions far back away). And I guess therefore, it becomes much easier to move.
But all of that is just physical location moving. What about moving spiritually? The older you get the harder it is? Too many present things filling our lives that we forget about the eternity we should live for.
Of all of this, what remains?
I've been working more, treating work as if it were school, not really separating work and "off" time, but instead kind of integrating both in my free time. Work a bit, take a break, work a bit when i feel like it, take a break. Kind of like school. And maybe it's because I sometimes believe that I can single-handedly make a big difference in my company. It's the blessing and the curse of being in one of the busiest groups full of new grads. The blessing is that there is always more you can do, and therefore no limitation to the difference you can make, and the curse is that even if you didn't want to work a lot, you would still have to, to some extent. I guess, for my current situation, it more of a blessing, or an opportunity to grow and learn.
So, the people here, and the families/lives they lead are completely different from what I'm used to. Growing up in a middle-class/uppper-middle-class Asian dominated community in central NJ, it was very rare for anyone I knew to move away to another state or city/school-district, especially if they had kids. That was really weird. If they lost their job, they most likely got another job in the same area, and maybe a handful would be forced to find a job a few hours away and just drive back on the weekends. But here in the capital region in the super high tech super competitive sect of the semiconductor industry, people just pick up and move when they are unhappy, or when they want a promotion (or when they get laid off). --Many in my company have moved across multiple countries even--and most who came have been in more than 1 other state before.
I've never experienced such mobile people. I think when you are little, this fear of moving is implanted into your soul. Fear of losing your best friends, losing that familiar environment, and everything that you know. But I think it is true what the articles say. The older you grow, the more difficult it is to make deep friendships because it is harder to spend time with each other they way you did before (and perhaps less vulnerabilities show when you become a proficient smiley professional who tucks emotions far back away). And I guess therefore, it becomes much easier to move.
But all of that is just physical location moving. What about moving spiritually? The older you get the harder it is? Too many present things filling our lives that we forget about the eternity we should live for.
Of all of this, what remains?
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