Concept of Moving

Hmm. I guess I haven't blogged in a long time. Ever since google reader disappeared

I've been working more, treating work as if it were school, not really separating work and "off" time, but instead kind of integrating both in my free time. Work a bit, take a break, work a bit when i feel like it, take a break. Kind of like school. And maybe it's because I sometimes believe that I can single-handedly make a big difference in my company. It's the blessing and the curse of being in one of the busiest groups full of new grads. The blessing is that there is always more you can do, and therefore no limitation to the difference you can make, and the curse is that even if you didn't want to work a lot, you would still have to, to some extent. I guess, for my current situation, it more of a blessing, or an opportunity to grow and learn.

So, the people here, and the families/lives they lead are completely different from what I'm used to. Growing up in a middle-class/uppper-middle-class Asian dominated community in central NJ, it was very rare for anyone I knew to move away to another state or city/school-district, especially if they had kids. That was really weird.  If they lost their job, they most likely got another job in the same area, and maybe a handful would be forced to find a job a few hours away and just drive back on the weekends. But here in the capital region in the super high tech super competitive sect of the semiconductor industry, people just pick up and move when they are unhappy, or when they want a promotion (or when they get laid off).  --Many in my company have moved across multiple countries even--and most who came have been in more than 1 other state before.

I've never experienced such mobile people. I think when you are little, this fear of moving is implanted into  your soul. Fear of losing your best friends, losing that familiar environment, and everything that you know. But I think it is true what the articles say. The older you grow, the more difficult it is to make deep friendships because it is harder to spend time with each other they way you did before (and perhaps less vulnerabilities show when you become a proficient smiley professional who tucks emotions far back away). And I guess therefore, it becomes much easier to move.

But all of that is just physical location moving. What about moving spiritually? The older you get the harder it is? Too many present things filling our lives that we forget about the eternity we should live for.
Of all of this, what remains?

1 Year Anniversary

My mom sent me the sweetest text today.

Happy anniversary for your job - remember you said you could not pass one year!


I forgot that it was my job anniversary. My mom always reminds me to be grateful.

Getting Old

I had this sudden realization when I was back home. My mom's teeth were hurting, and it hit me that my parents are getting old. That I'm pretty much on my own very soon. That this cycle of life is slowly turning and it's becoming my turn.

Made me ponder that verse where the guy wants to follow Jesus, but asks to first bury his father. But Jesus says to let that go. Let the dead bury the dead.

This is it. What am I doing? Or, maybe the question is: how am I doing? How am I spending my time...
Will I be ready for God? Or stuck in my ways of life

a couple coworkers asked me this weekend why I was working 24/7. I remember when I first started at this company, I told a coworker that my policy was to go home as early as possible, and not to overwork. She asked why that was so, since usually people have the idea that they should work harder while they are still young. I said something about how it's not a good habit to work a lot--then you don't get to develop your life outside of work. And then you can't get out of working a lot. Something like that. Forgot what I said, but maybe it was a bit naive at the time. I think working a bit more is fine, as long as you know who you are even at work. Don't forget the people around you. A leader encourages, cares and creates other leaders, not hogs the attention.

most importantly don't forget to think about how you are doing. with Jesus.  If work gets in the way, push it back. Most of the time, it's unrelated, esp in causation, though there probably is correlation. Work doesn't worsen relationships inherently, but your heart towards it (and during it) might.

Greatest Worship Leader

God is the greatest worship leader.

Seriously. It makes all the difference. How you lead, or rather, how God leads. How you let God lead. And sometimes that doesn't come as our natural instinct... to let God lead .

But O God, please be our greatest worship leader each and every day in our lives

Feels Weird

I know this may sound weird, but it feels weird (or maybe just new) playing games one-on-one with a new friend--and i dont mean multi-player online games or computer games you would play by yourself anyway--. I mean games you wouldn't play by yourself (like board games or games you aren't in love with)

Maybe guys have it right. Playing games is a way of getting to know someone... even if it feels like i'm playing  a forced game with my brother. I can never understand how guys are so good at being excited about games. I could never pull it off with any kind of female (or male) guest: "Hey! Let's play a game!" .  It's more like: "..so... do you want to play a game .. ? "  (lack of confidence in that the game will be fun... or out of practice with hospitality).

Anyway, I played a cranium game today with my roommate.

It is great how 2 completely different lives can share a common bond. Like roommates. We're not at the same company, nor the same age, nor the same school, and do not have any mutual friends. But we decide to spend time together and do things together. It is a rather conscious decision. In the first few requests/opportunities, I feel like you can't have any rejections/misses; otherwise, both people will initiate less, and you'll both get into the habit of doing your own thing, and once you get into a routine, you'll almost never spend time together again, or will exponentially have fewer opportunities to do so.

Maybe that's how many other relationships work, and many other aspects of life. Get the start right and it'll be a lot easier. oh, the routine life. Why do we settle in so quickly?

my director's favorite quote:
The only constant is change
(except you know who)

Be the Loud Worshipper

Be the loud worshipper. Lift out your hands and sing your entire heart out to the one who is catching you. Or hugging you. Sometimes you can't tell the difference. It's like you've grown up. Maybe if things at work are going great, if you are feeling super accomplished and useful you'll forget all that is needed in the world beyond "just business". The personal world that is at once more meaningful and dark, and beautiful and complicated. 

At the end of the day, lift up your hands and praise the One who holds them. With dove's eyes, overwhelmed by His love. 

Have-more-want-more syndrome

So, visiting my distant half-relatives in China was an interesting experience.

This one older guy (50s/60s) was telling me that 15 years ago all people wanted was not to be hungry, but now what people want is a house and a car. So if you dont have a house and a car, you can't get a wife.

Quite interesting. Then, when I got back to the states, I was quite thankful for my job, since I'm comparing with folks in China (more specifically the slightly poorer regions of China), my job is very good. But now and again, I'm finding myself wanting more than what I already have. Perhaps a job that lets me work M-F instead of Tues-Sat. Perhaps a better area, one that has more people.. Perhaps a better Church that hangs out outside of Church activities..

The list is never ending. it's like trying to find the things to fill that feeling inside that something is missing. Maybe it's lack of direction in life. Lack of purpose or calling. Where am I going? Where are you leading me? I feel like I'm missing something. Maybe I am. Maybe I miss college, and the fellowship. Maybe I miss hugs, touches and deep conversations. Maybe I miss worshipping in living rooms. Maybe I miss seeing people totally in love with Jesus. Maybe I miss encouraging my brothers and sisters, and having them encourage me. I do. I do miss these things, and it's not easy to be a self-starter, to start what you see is missing from your community. It's much easier to do my own thing and ignore the 'something's missing' feeling.