Memory

I said: you hurt me
And she responded: why do you always only remember the times that I hurt you?

Well, I do remember both the good stuff and the bad, but because the hurt is more current, it sticks out more.

Last year, a couple told me about their first year of marriage.
The wife said: the first year was like hell. We hated each other.
The husband said: noo, it wasn't that bad. You're forgetting the good parts.
Wife: No, we really hated each other's guts.

It is quite interesting that different people remember the past differently. And it's quite scary sometimes too. Because what if you invest so much in someone, but you mess up at the end, and that's all they remember? It's kind of like the Christian walk. You don't want to mess up at the end.

It's like when people get divorced and they admit: I did love you at some point, but I don't now.
Pretty scary that our emotions can change and our memory can fade.

When I watched the movie: "I can only imagine", I cried so much. The forgiveness scene. His dad was trying so hard to make up for the past, but his son wasn't giving him a chance. The son said "and now you just want to come here, make breakfast, pretend like nothing happened. It doesn't work that way dad".

Sometimes I wonder if I remember things correctly. If I only remember the bad, or if I only remember the good, or if my weight for bad vs good is inaccurate. (I know, like who cares right?)

Cornell is a unique memory. It was a good time, but I also remember it was painful. It was painful, yet lovely. There were so many meaningful deep conversations in Cascadilla Hall, and in Eddygate. There were strong friendships formed. There were tears. There were amazing God moments, where you can really see God moving on campus, in people's hearts, through people's visions. But academics was hard. Not being smart enough was hard. Late nights, all nighters, cold winters, depression, unexplainable emotions, relational drama, etc. Cornell has some of the highest highs and lowest lows. Maybe not the highest and not the lowest anymore, but definitely has some of the top 5 best and worst times of my life.

The Israelites in the dessert who keep forgetting what God has done. And the disciples who forget Jesus just multiplied bread, though that's not really forgetting. That is more like not implementing that knowledge into an understanding of who Jesus is.

Memory is important because we need to remember what God has done, because that helps us know and remember who He is, and it helps keep us humble and thankful.
In the same way, if we remember what people have done in our lives, it keeps us humble and thankful and probably fosters better relationships.

What is the use of remembering the bad things? Part of it is good for learning--to learn from mistakes--whether yours or others. Part of it is just being rooted in reality. If you live in a dream world of only positive things and don't understand the reality of other people's pain, how can you empathize or speak into their lives? God doesn't cause pain, but he doesn't waste our pain.
Also, part of recognizing bad things and pain is so that you can deal with it and truly heal from the root. Truly forgive and let go, and let go of all expectations that your pain would ever be acknowledged. Just give it to God. God doesn't waste our pain. God makes us whole.