Living in the Present

In Mozambique, during a group prayer time, one guy was saying that we, Westerners have a hard time living in the present. We're always living in the past or the future, but not the present. So, he told us: this is maybe the only chance in a lifetime you will get to be here. Live in the present.

I thought that was interesting, because it is often true that I am not in the present. If I am bored, I think about the next most interesting thing I will do, such as eat lunch or what I will do after work.  Even when I'm not living in the future, I am still not really engaged. I'm "living in the present" sort of, but I'm not absorbing what's going on around me and my heart is not engaged. This usually happens when I'm in a new place and I don't know anyone, or I'm with people I don't know super well. Or, even if I know them, but I don't really love them that much, I'm just not really engaged.

I'm at this 3 week Christian school thing with 100 other students of all ages, and the first week was so hard. I never thought I would struggle with being some place by myself, because I've done that so many times, for college, for work, for grad school, for internships, for other christian camps, for missions trips. I've gone to many place by myself. But it's harder now. I'm even more introverted than before, and it's hard to make myself get to know people that I will only talk to twice in my lifetime and then never see again after a week. Especially when there are 100 people. I would much rather prefer 5 people, but even then, I won't talk to people unless they talk to me first

One extroverted girl was saying how because she is extroverted she really needs people, and she's glad she's living in the convent with all of us. I said: "introverted people need people too. They just don't initiate conversations".  --what I really was talking about was myself. I really need people, but I never show it and I never initiate. Even with my own friends, even close friends, I rarely initiate hanging out. But I actually really love hanging out (and I usually always have time in my schedule since I never initiate and always under-sign-up for events).

So anyway, long story short, it took me 1.5 to 2 weeks to finally open up and get to know a few people, and there's only one more week left. I thought I would leave this school not knowing anyone, but I guess I was wrong.