What you fear

I journaled today. Like on paper and not on a word document. I think paper has a different effect; you ramble less because it takes longer to write, which gives you more time to think about what you are writing, which should make your writing more concise and meaningful.

And I realized.

that right now, (or rather yesterday/this past week), I was more afraid of losing what God gave me, than of losing God Himself. Not that we can "lose God", because God is constant; we are are the ones that get lost. But previously when people asked me what my worst fear was, I would say: 'Losing God'. (also a title of a great book for depressed people btw). So, when I say 'Losing God', I actually mean Losing myself.

I was more worried about losing the things God gave me, than about losing God. And I wanted the things God gave me, but without God.

But if you do not have God, you will destroy the things He gives you.

Or, the things you want and pursue will destroy you.