Pride, and Change

Pride creates distance.
I knew this from Genesis, but recently I have begun to really understand this and see how it is really true. It doesn't just literally/physically create distance, but also in your heart, there is more distance between you and other people/God.

And there is this one other character flaw/sin that I am seeing in myself that I don't want to name because I hate this one so much, and people rarely share about it. And I find myself lying to myself, or ignoring my subconscious thoughts/feelings whenever I begin to recognize this character-related sin and being like "no, I don't have this sin. That is not actually how I feel or think." And it's hard not to lie to myself and tell myself that I'm not that horrible of a person, that I'm okay. But it's also hard not to go to the other extreme and totally condemn myself and be like "I suck". And it's easy to cling to both extremes, going from one extreme to the other extreme, because neither of them allow for change to occur, and change is hard. And sometimes I don't want to change. I want to either shrink in a corner and wallow in my horrible-ness, or feel good about myself. Not repent and change. because that's hard.

But maybe, since we all have tons of flaws and sins, we're really supposed to just gaze toward heaven and look at Jesus and love Him. And maybe, naturally, we'll change from that. because He will change us. I guess we also have to allow Him to change us. and pride definitely blocks that. Change. I would like to change. I think. Well, nothing is a formula.

Phil 3
I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so somehow to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.