My Brother teaching me about life

My 9 year old brother makes me cry, makes me frustrated.
because I don't want to give up on him, even though I want to.

He reveals all the selfish parts of me. because I really want to give up on his growth, academic and spiritual and maturity-wise. but deep inside, I love him too much to do that. I'm sure my mom has similar struggles since she has to make him do homework every day.

In 4th grade, I wanted a brother. I told God that I wanted a brother because I wanted to learn how to love people, and I thought the best way was to have a brother, since I thought that it is hardest to be nice to your own sibling, especially a younger sibling. Many of my friends had siblings and they didn't get along. I always had a dream to be in harmony with my sibling. And so I thought that if I can learn to love my brother, I can learn to love everyone. And in 5th grade, God gave me brother.

I guess I haven't quite lived up to that dream. It's so hard.
This summer I tried to teach my brother piano, but I just ended up crying. He takes so much energy to teach. And just now, every 10 seconds, I had to tell my brother to concentrate, to hurry up and do his homework.
and then I cried in frustration. He muttered some complaint like, "i have the worst life" and then I cried while explaining to him that he didn't have "the worst life". I tried to tell him about kids who couldn't even go to school, who had parents who argued every day, who had sisters who beat them up, or fathers who left home, or no food, people who can't turn on their heater because they're trying to save money, who live in tiny apartments with two other families, etc. I went into great great detail. Then he said that he sucks at everything. I told him that it's because he doesn't try. All he thinks about is friends. Then he said that he just wants everyone to be nice to him. So, I asked him who was mean to him, and he tells me about this one girl in school. Then we had a conversation about how he should be nice to people who are mean to him. And he asked me if bad guys go to heaven. My brother is pretty logical. He understand the things I tell him, even though I usually get too deep.

Sometimes I wonder if this whole asian academic thing is right. I know it does train kids to be responsible, and it keeps them from "turning bad" in school, because they spend all their time on academics. But man, my school district is so competitive; is it really healthy to give kids this muc homework?. My mom gives my brother extra homework every day. a lot of it. and yet, he's still behind in school. And maybe my brother has a gift that we're ignoring, maybe it's just not academics. He's pretty good at acting.

sigh. life is so complicated. There are so many paths. which one is best? I guess it doesn't matter too too much. We walk with God. Life is an adventure.

Let us "fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing to the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him, teaching us not to rely on easy answers, bullet points, magic mantras, or genies in lamps, but rather in His guidance, His existence, His mercy and His love" (Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller)

We don't know what happens next. but it's okay. It is okay.

---edit--haha, boundless has this article: "If you're single, you aren't busy"
http://www.boundlessline.org/2010/01/if-youre-single-you-arent-busy.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+boundlessline%2Fblog+%28Boundless+Line%29
I like the definition of busy. med and law students aren't busy. "think of busyness as the amount of autonomy you have in the use of your time". This makes sense, and I agree. My life is easy.