Faith

Identity has been on my mind for a few years as something vital to deeply understand. But recently, in the past several months, faith is being highlighted to me as something important that I need to grow in.

Everything we do, we do in faith. Without faith, it is impossible to please God.
Amplied version says: "But without faith it is impossible to [walk with God and] please Him, for whoever comes [near] to God must [necessarily] believe that God exists and that He rewards those who [earnestly and diligently] seek Him."

I have always been a practical person. I'm also realistic, to a point of almost being pessimistic. Therefore, I have very much relied on statistics and experience (including other people's experiences from hearing their stories, either 2nd or 3rd hand).

The bible does say that God's people die for lack of knowledge and I'm not against experience or wisdom, but I do believe that sometimes our trust in knowledge, wisdom, statistics and experience suffocate our faith in God.  It stifles our faith, joy, hope and love. And we lose sight of the gospel, God's healing power, miracles, His redemption and our beliefs.

The more we trust our experience, the more we fear, because we know so little. The more we trust in God, the greater our confidence, joy and hope, because He is way bigger than we are.

This is a really great article, titled "How to know if you're trusting God or just being stupid"
For me, it is great, because it is not conclusive about exactly what you should do. In many situations, you seek wise counsel, you pray, you use wisdom, but there is still not a black-and-white conclusion. Then there is the final call to make a decision. And you just go for it. I love how it says: "Whatever decision you make, offer it up in faith. Make it faith. Dedicate the decision and outcome to God". There is a reference to Romans 14:23 about the gray area of whether or not to eat food sacrificed to idols: "But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin."
So ultimately, it is important to be single-minded, not double-minded and to make our decisions in faith. To offer your life up to God and every decision up to God in faith. And to pray in faith "with no doubting"  for the one who doubts is a "double-minded man, unstable in all he does" (James 1).

It is so, so reassuring that faith pleases God. Sometimes, we're just so concerned about doing the right thing, when maybe it doesn't matter so much because maybe there isn't one right solution or maybe we're not held accountable for the one right solution, but we are held accountable for our heart and whether or not we had faith.

Living out of a sonship identity

A few things that been on my mind for the past weeks

• Faith. Without it, it is impossible to please God. 
• The Cross, the blood of Jesus. Is really powerful. Redeems us.
• Ownership/sonship, & partnership with God

I was in a Hillsong concert, when suddenly I realized that my worship towards God felt different than it did a year ago. I was worshiping and praising God out of my identity as a child, not out of an identity as an ex-wretched person that He saved. That's why the song "Unashamed" bothers me; it has so much emphasis on being unworthy and praises God out of that identity or state of being unworthy. Obviously, we are unworthy compared to God, but by faith we are made righteous and a new creation. I feel like sometimes Christians intentionally put themselves down in order to praise God "more". God isn't insecure. We don't need to degrade ourselves to make Him look better. Additionally, we don't need to wrap our identity around being a sinner, when we are actually a new creation in Christ. We need to praise God out of our new identity. 

In fact, that is what God desires--that we worship Him out of this secure identity as His son/daughter. We are not slaves waiting to blindly receive an order from our master. God wants us to partner with Him in taking ownership over the things we are called to do here. We are His friends and sons/daughters, and we are co-heirs with Christ. 

I also realized that I like to downplay my abilities and accomplishments. I also like to spin things in a negative way in order to be funny or more "real"/genuine, because I guess the heart's cry of our generation is for realness. But sometimes the "realness" is a bit too real that it actually becomes unreal. We define what is real by what we say. If we say it enough times, it becomes real to us. 

So one area I have been downplaying/real-talking is how I ended up in California, why I got an MBA and why I like California. Every time someone asks me, I come up with a different answer. One of the latest inventions/answers is that I got an MBA so I wouldn't have to live in the middle of nowhere. When you live in the middle of nowhere, all your friends end up leaving you and moving to the big cities. All my friends from my first company have left already. When you live in California or a big city, people come to you. Now, all my Cornell friends are moving to where I am. I don't want to live in an undesirable location with no young Asian Americans like myself. 

Then a week later, I realized I was framing my life out of fear, rather than purpose. In essence, I am saying: I'm in California because I don't want to live in the middle of nowhere. --That's living out of fear, out of survival mode. Instead, I should say: I'm in California because God has called me here to make a difference, especially in my own culture and at work. 

I need to stop framing things out of fear/survival mentality, and start speaking out of an identity as a child of God, out of ownership, out of royalty. Bay area is my territory, and I'm here to make an impact. When I'm in survival mode, I just want to survive. When I'm in ownership mode, I say, this is my house, my land, my people. Is there pollution? Are there cliques at Church? Let's solve this together. Let's do something about it. Often, prayer changes our own hearts so that we become the solution and the answer to our prayers.

Prayer is holding God's hand

Prayer is holding God's hand.

That's what I wanted to say when my cell group leader asked us: "What is prayer?"
But I restrained myself from saying something that sounded ridiculously theologically unsound.

But my entire heart said it. I just looked at her and said it in my heart. For more than a week, this has been stuck with me. Prayer is holding God's hand.

What does it mean to hold someone's hand? What does it feel like? What does it imply?
It is hard to explain, but the feeling and imagery of holding God's hand is knowing that you are connected to God. No matter how difficult things may get, at least you are holding His hand. You trust Him; He is with you.

Even in the good times, He is there, and you are holding His hand, connected. You know Him. He is right beside you.

So yea. God spoke to me through my own bizarre thought/inner- voice.
Prayer is holding God's hand.

Even David in Psalm 16:8 says "I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken".
Some people say this verse implies that David uses imagery in his relationship with God because he "sets" aka imagines God at his right hand. Of course, all the grounded Christians are bothered by the word "imagine" because that word is often used in a way that implies falsehood or fantasy / made-up stuff. But think of the word "imagine" like meditating. Meditating on God's word day and night, but in a more picture-esque way. I picture myself holding God's hand, but it's not an image; it's more like an impression or feeling or knowing. In my heart, I know I am holding God's hand.

Prayer is holding God's hand

Because He lives

This hymn is what I need at this moment

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, all fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives. 

Indeed, at this moment, I am holding onto life because I believe in Jesus. I believe in Jesus for myself and for others. There aren't many of these extremely tough moments in life where I truly feel like giving up, if it wasn't for my faith and my belief in Jesus.

It takes strength to hold on, to hold onto Jesus, to hold onto forgiveness, to continue to let go and love, pray for change, believe in change and not judge, not fear, not hold onto hurt. Sometimes I fear that I would lack strength to forgive, or strength to fight for an abundant life with Jesus, but God gives me strength.

I wish things would be easier, but I refuse to be jealous of people who appear to have an easier life. Each person has their life, and I will focus on the goodness and compassion of God, who is sovereign and knows all things before they happen.

Because I have Jesus, I have everything. And no one can take that away from me. Not differences in theology, not other strong believers. I cannot be condemned because Jesus has saved me.

Thinking about Job -- the book of Job. Man, that was tough. Every friend using spiritual reasons to condemn Job, and Job losing his family and his own health. I want to be like Job and hold onto God no matter what. In sickness and in health, in great times and catastrophic times, even if the whole world is against me, even if I myself have sinned or made a mistake. I want to always turn to Jesus and hold onto God for the rest of my life, all my days. God, help me to do so.

Thinking in the future

Yesterday, I was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness, and the feeling lingered on still this morning; I couldn't shake it off. Usually listening to worship music helps, but sometimes the feeling is so strong that music just at best, contains it. (I really enjoyed listening to Here Again by Elevation Worship).

I recognized that the feelings were genuine and natural, and that it is important to be honest with how I feel, but also remember that I believe in Jesus, and my hope comes from Him.

I most often try to use emotional methods to solve my emotional issues. (i.e. talk with a friend, use music, etc.) However, I realized that I can use my mind to lead my emotions. I know I have Jesus. Nothing can separate me from the love of Jesus. I will declare this truth as long as I live. By speaking the truth to myself and to my emotions, I am fighting for my emotions. My mind and willpower fight for my feelings to come into alignment with the word of God. Sometimes worship music does help in this regard because you can belch out the song as a declaration of God's truth.

As I was driving home, I thought to myself: What do I want to be like when I am 50 years old? I used to think 20s were the "prime age"--the most exciting age. But now, I think 50s-60s is prime. Most of the people I really respect are at least 50. I want to love God when I am old, not just when I am young. I thought about how beautiful it will be to be 80 and still love God so much (and hopefully more), and be able to look back on my life and see how God brought me so far in life, and how beautiful a journey it has been, despite all the hard times and all the hurt. Out of great suffering and pain, can come great beauty, because God doesn't waste our suffering. God doesn't waste our pain. 

In light of that, I would like to recommend a movie that has made it to my favorites list.
"I can only Imagine" - I watched this on my United flight to the east coast. I cried so much. I couldn't stop crying. It was so, so beautiful.

Not only does God not waste our pain, God is our hope. Even though I'm technically a "present-minded" person according to personality tests, it really does help to think really far out into the future--it reduces my present concerns and worries, because I start to realize that life is long. Yet, at the same time, I also realize that life is short, and that soon I will be with God.

New level of security

Recently, I realized that I have gotten to a new level of security in Christ, compared to several months ago, or even the last couple of weeks.

The things that once made me feel insecure no longer strongly affect me. They might affect me mildly for a few hours, but I just smile and know in my heart and my mind that I have God. I know who I am. The truth has truly set me free.

There were several events/tests just this week. Situations or thoughts involving different people who  are close to me, but none of the situations/thoughts made me feel insecure.

In the past, my family and close friends would easily affect me. I think they still can, but my security has increased to a new level. I'm not afraid of losing people close to me or getting rejected. I'm also not going to believe any lies that my family might be believing, and I'm not affected by their ungodly fears. I know who I am. I know what and whom I have.

It wasn't like I was completely invincible. There would be familiar floating thoughts that come by, but this time, those thoughts seemed so foreign to me. I could recognize them as blatant lies from the enemy. It was almost like: wow, I've been through this already. I've already conquered this battle.

God is so good :) I got a breakthrough without really even hardcore pursuing it.

GPS

Yesterday while driving, my phone decided to do a software update. Thus, I couldn't use my GPS while it was updating. I was driving back from my eye doctor appointment back to work so this was not my normal route, and I'm a person who always uses GPS. I have a weak sense of direction, and a weaker confidence in my sense of direction. (Though my sense of direction seems magically improved when I'm alone, and worsened when with others)

But I just kept driving and reading signs. I saw Sunnyvale and a LinkedIn building, and saw on my car that I was going North, so I knew I probably should keep driving. Eventually I saw 1st street and zanker signs and got off there, and made my way to work.

It was pretty amazing, even though I know it sounds lame.

I felt like God was saying that is what life is like sometimes. When you're trying to receive directions from God and you're not hearing anything, maybe you need to look around at signs that point you to your destination. Keep driving (I had thoughts of pulling over and waiting for my phone to finish), and you'll see the signs eventually.