Unspent Love

 Unspent love

Is that a thing? Did I make that up?

During this season, I see a very limited set of close friends. But I would dare say that the hangouts (either online, in-person or via chat) are even deeper, more meaningful and more treasured than before COVID. Yet, I want more.

There is a deep, deep hunger for more. More depth, more affection, more touch, more eye contact, deeper connection, deeper trust, deeper love

And it feels like there is this well of unspent love that needs to be given away. I want to hug/touch people, gaze into people's eyes, connect with people through personal/deeper convos.  Before COVID, people were busy, so I don't know if my interactions with people were even as deep (at least not as frequently). But for some reason, COVID (and everything else going on in the world) brings out this greater longing for unity, for connection, for spiritual hunger, for love, for change, for more. I don't know what that more is. I'm just unsatisfied, even as I am content. I have what I need but I still want more. 

Strong feelings are always scary. because. Is it normal? Am I different? Are they from God, or my flesh?

Lord, purify my desires and use them for your glory

Unspent, pent-up love. How does it get released? I can't just "do things" like volunteer; that'll burn me out. It has to be something that truly vibes with me, that is highly connected to my affections and passions. Maybe it's as simple as spending time gazing into the eyes of Jesus, into the heart of God.