AA Identity

Asian American Identity.

I was in Taiwan last month and we were eating with my mom's NJ friend who happened to be in Taiwan at the same time. She was saying how she bought so many cheap good-looking clothes in Taiwan, and telling me that I should go shopping too.

I was like: it's okay 
But she kept pushing. She recommended some hair clip as well, that looked really asian.
Eventually, something came out of my mouth that surprised even myself, and a few tears rolled out as well.
I was like: I don't like things that look too Asian
She said: You're just like [my daughter]. She says that too
Then I explained: It's because we're already Asian American. We already don't really fit in with white people and also don't really fit in with Asians, so we don't want to make it worse by looking too fob.

We were waiting for a table at a restaurant, and this family friend was just trying to suggest something simple, like shopping, and then I was like tearing.

Among all the types of identity struggles, that's probably the hardest one for me. Like yea, it's probably my fault for surrounding myself with Asian Americans in college, but like in high school, I didn't have a choice. Everyone in class was Asian American. So I got used to it.

Now what I do enjoy doing is telling people about being Asian American because who doesn't like to talk about themselves? But I got completely shut down by this white person the other day. I was explaining how ABC kids in high school try to stay as far away from Chinese culture as possible because they don't want to be like their parents and "uncool", and the white person was like: yea, like every kid in the world basically doesn't want to be like their old parents.

so yea, my story wasn't very "asian american". It was just a normal story of a kid. like any other kid in the US. So yes. poor us, Asian Americans that have to wrestle with identity. But at the end of the day, not really. It's mostly psychological. We play it up a lot. There's no way we should have a harder time than actual internationals. Yet, they often assimilate better than us, because they try harder and don't get turned off by "where are you from" questions. (which, apparently, this Sunday at Church, I was from Japan. But whatever, it was fine; they were really nice).

I don't want to downplay the struggle either of course.

but yea. Identity in Christ. so important to hold onto. It's who we are. gotta remind ourselves every day. It's who I am. loved by You.