Hate sin

You know how sometimes you can feel that something is coming? Like something bad or something big is gonna happen, and you "feel it coming"? Well.

I feel my downfall coming.

I probably shouldn't say that. But it's true. If I don't change, it will come.

I need to hate sin. Recently/past few days or more, I felt like (or realized) my Christian life has been running on momentum, like a train whose engine just turned off and yet is still running only because of momentum. It's easy to run on this Christian auto-pilot momentum thing without knowing that you're running on it. because it looks the same, both to the outside world and to yourself. The train is still moving, and it feels almost the same... but doesn't last forever. Hence the downfall.

I need to hate sin. A sister sent me this site about mortification of sin. It's really good. Downfall doesn't happen overnight; it's a build-up. And perhaps one of the first steps toward downfall is forgetting what it means to hate sin. Another is pride.

Pride. Just this past monday, I was surprised at how upset/frustrated I was that I couldn't find good courses to take. My mom prayed for me, then told me to pray too. I was silent for a minute. She was like "why aren't you praying?" I was like "I don't know what to pray". That was a lie. What I meant was, I don't want to pray. What I meant was, 'I don't want God to change my heart. I don't want to realize that my frustrations are silly. I don't want to realize that all I need to do is trust God.' ... Anyway, I ended up trying to pray. It was probably more like angry mumbling, saying things like "God help me to ___, even though I don't want to". (with irritated tone emphasis on 'even though I don't want to'. But the awesome thing is that God still listens to prayer even when we pray in an irritated fashion.) But yea, it's funny how we know we're supposed to assume that we are prideful, and yet when symptoms of this pride come up, we're still surprised.

By the way Romans 8 is awesome. I love the progression from talking about not gratifying the desires of the flesh to talking about how the Spirit helps us in our weaknesses to talking about how great God's love is. What a great progression. This is why we hate sin. Because we love God. Because God's love is so great.