Vulnerable to Encouragement

I have this one design class where everyone is in a group/team and each member of that group has to do one presentation. So last friday it was my turn. My presentation affects my grade as well as theirs. I like presentations and speeches; I like preparing for them and presenting them. But I did so terribly. Actually, I think my presentation was the worst of all the presentations done so far this semester. Too fast, forgot what I was supposed to explain, wasn't coherent, scrolled through slides back and forth in a confusing manner, couldn't answer technical questions from the prof. etc.

After presenting, I sat down, and my phone vibrated. I was like huh, I got a text. I wonder who it's from. It was from a team-member. I was like Woah, what! she's sitting right there! The text read: "Great job, the slides looked great!" My first reaction was: you're lying; it was terrible. But then I realized how thoughtful she was to send a text from across the room, and how urgently she sent it--right after I presented. And that was encouraging to me, and it became more and more encouraging as I began to realize more and more the extent of how horribly I did. Later I remembered the look of the professor's face as I finished, and how he looked at his watch and had the expression of "that's it?"... and I remembered her text when I looked at my peer evaluations. There were others who said good job to me too, but this text was from my own group member, whose grades I just pulled down. And the timing of the text showed her extra thoughtfulness and eagerness to encourage me.

And now I have a report due tomorrow that is also a part of their grade. I emailed/spammed my group asking for some advice, and they replied not too long ago. .. All I can say is, exclamation points have never been so encouraging to me before. This one email began with "Hi Jamie, Looks great so far!!!!", gave some suggestions and ended with "It looks really good Jamie!!!!" It was so encouraging. It really blew my mind away. I am like the weak link in the group and they are so supportive and chill.

This made me think of Luke 7:40-47-- the illustration of the moneylender and how those who are forgiven more love more, and those who have been forgiven little love little.

so I guess we are more affected by (or vulnerable to) encouragement we have failed, when things aren't going great. because then we see the weaknesses and imperfections we have had all along and realize how wonderful and sweet forgiveness and encouragement is.

*disclaimer: I'm not actually that upset about it. I only realized that it affected me after I realized that I was super vulnerable to encouragement.