People give meaning

Staying at home and not seeing people really makes life less meaningful.

How can there be meaning if there are no people? Imagine a life with just you. Why would you even be interested in the hobbies you're interested in, if you can't show the results to anyone? Why would you want to be successful if there's no one to recognize it?

Everything I do resolves around people.... whether it's achieving greater closeness with people, loving / knowing people, or gaining love / affirmation from people.

I like to say that I don't have any real hobbies; all I really love is people. But my friends always want to call me out on that lie.

Fine. If I really think about it, there are some things I like, that are not influenced by people.

I like walking outside at night when the temperature is nice, and breathing in the cool crisp air. It feels romantic. It feels good. I feel alive. because I can think about deep things at night. I can think about life.

I like boba (milk tea/ bubble tea). And I do like some foods. But my desire for food sort of vanishes when I miss people, when I'm too sad, or  when I'm too satisfied with life (that's one of my hypotheses for why I got so skinny in CA). But boba is one of the foods I still can usually desire even when I'm not into food.

I like doing things with my hands, i.e. crafts or building things. But it has to have an emotional element to it. i.e. making cards or photo albums for people. Or be practical (i.e. building a birdhouse for my bird).

I like talking about "deeper" subjects, because through deeper conversations, I hope to find more meaning in life, and I want to be known. One time, a friend told me: "You have a strong desire to be known". When she said that, she had only known me for 4-5 months. I was taken aback, shocked that she could read my soul so quickly. But I played it cool, and was like: "everyone wants to be known". But she was like: "But you have an especially strong desire to be known". and I was like omg. what a mind / soul reader.

So, that's why I blog. All my "deeper" thoughts that have no air time, I put here. Also because, apparently, I want to be known. I love intimacy. This is. One of my hobbies.