Let it be real.

Btw: I am in Shanghai. This site is blocked but someone is posting for me.

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I’m blogging because I think it’s okay and perhaps even good to blog when you are struggling.

I still love God. And God still loves me. God still loves me more.

You love me more than I am able to love You.

Imagine that. Someone who always loves you more than you are able to love back. Someone who waits for you. Patience is not the literal act of doing, but it is love. It is not sitting still, waiting for someone while being super fidgety and anxious on the inside, with eyes looking all about for something interesting to occupy the mind/time. Rather, it is waiting with longing eyes. With all affection and energy turned towards the person. He waits for me because He loves me, because He is patient and gentle with me.

God. I feel like Hosea’s wife. I can’t believe I can so quickly/readily go back to God even after sinning. As much as I feel ashamed and unworthy, I still know that God is all I have. And because I know He loves me and accepts me back, I no longer feel ashamed and unworthy, but humbled and brought to repentance by His kindness. I feel fear, because I know that I am clearly in the wrong. And that I deserve any punishment He decides to give me. Yet I was not the one punished.

We need to know and repeatedly know the reality of God’s Kingdom. Otherwise, we might impulsively trade our inheritance for a bowl of soup. God is worth it. God is worth it Jamie. God is worth it. but I can’t always see that. Or perhaps, even if I know that God is worth it, I don’t always act like I know that. I do not do what I want to do ~Romans 7