SIGH God

It was really encouraging to see God do so much during Ivy League Congress--in other people and also myself.

For me personally, I almost felt that I was over-challenged, as in challenged beyond what I was ready for. But then, after a while, I am encouraged again, the fear is removed and I am again willing to hear God's call for me for the rest of my college days.

I realized that I am like one of those people that Francis Chan talks about in Forgotten God... one of those people who asks God to speak to them, but is afraid He will tell them to do something they don't want to do. I thought I had given everything to God, but I still have so much to lose that I have not yet counted as loss.

"I have nothing to lose"...I struggle now to believe that. I also am struggling with fearing God. I do not fear Him enough; instead I fear man. And I fear losing cohesiveness, acceptance, respect.

I am beginning to see why Jesus declared in Luke 7:28 that John the baptist was the greatest man who ever lived.

I mean.. dude, John the baptist was CRAZY. What kind of person wears camel hair and lives in the dessert and eats honey and locusts? I bet people were skeptical of him and judged him. I wonder if he was ever lonely.

SIGH God.

I hear that some people pray that God would "wreck" their lives so that they would not be comfortable. That seems like a very scary prayer right now. I am like the father in Mark 9, in that I will have to say 'I believe; help me overcome my unbelief'.

In other words: 'I am not there yet, but I want to be there'.

God's grace is enough for me. And He loves me no matter what.