What doesn’t destroy me makes me stronger?

A popular quote: What doesn’t destroy me makes me stronger
really?

But part of me is like: BUT WHAT IF I GET DESTROYED!?!

The closest bible verse is about suffering producing perseverance, character, hope
Romans 5:3-5 we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

so... I am ignoring the bible verse, because when I'm like "WHAT IF I GET DESTROYED?" I'm essentially saying: What if suffering DOESN'T produce character and hope? But it does. According to His word it does.
And it does because of His goodness and love and the Holy Spirit in us.

I'm not afraid of not making it to the other end of the tunnel. I'm more afraid of how I will turn out at the other end of the tunnel. Even if I don't get destroyed, even if I make it through the tunnel, I don't want to get damaged..

I feel like this quote, "What doesn't destroy me makes me stronger", ignores other aspects of being destroyed. What if something doesn't destroy you literally, but you come out of the tunnel angry, traumatized, bitter, tired, defeated ..? yes, you 'made it through'. but you are "destroyed" in a way.

and that is my fear.

But I forget that God is always with me. And I forget His goodness. Or more like I don't trust it. And I don't trust that if I do get hurt, that he will heal me and comfort me and renew me.

And my other fear is that at the end of all this, there isn't a reward that I have gained that I want that I don't already have. One way people deal with this fear of no (worthy) reward is that they know that God has called them to this path, and so their reward is obeying God and knowing He is pleased and doing it for Him.
But the problem is I don't know really know. At times I'm completely convicted that this is where I should be and what I should do. And at other times, I'm like: okay, I've gotten a lot out of this already and it's time to move on; this couldn't possibly be what God wants me to do.

Uncertainty. A lot of times when we ask God for direction, we ask motivated by our uncomfortable-ness with uncertainty. We seek God not to seek God but to seek direction.

I know my earthly parents. I know whether or not they would be okay with me doing this or that. I know how to explain my decisions using their reasoning. I know what pleases them. and I know they're proud of me even when I fail. Because I know they know this is not what life is about. Failure is good because you learn from it. And life is not about short-term "success".

And so, I feel like I need to know God, my Heavenly Father, more. So that the more I know God, perhaps the more I'd know about what pleases and honors Him. And thus make wiser, more Godly decisions.