Old people are good at talking

Maybe it's a gift old people have..
They're good at talking about themselves, talking about their memories, talking about others, talking about ducks, the moon, any subject everrr
They're good at talking to strangers... like cashiers, people at the YMCA, Costco..

Not all old people, but old people in general are better at talking than young people, especially to strangers. Probably because they're not selfishly counting their precious time and trying to get from destination A to destination B while multi-tasking (and therefore cannot make eye contact with anyone on the way)

They're also much better at talking about God to others, like naturally, and intentionally, but naturally

It's like my mom. She could be talking about how to get into Harvard, and then 5 minutes later, she's talking about God. I was like.. O_O... did you really just transition from : "America is really fair; it accepts people from all different school systems/backgrounds" to "The bible also does not discriminate" !

Same thing this morning. We left our Muslim roommate in a coffee shop next to Church while we went to Church. This old couple who went to the first service of the Church was in the coffee shop and spotted our roommate and started talking to her.

I noticed that sometimes younger people are more afraid to take hold of opportunities because they're afraid of coming off as one of "those Christians". Like the ones on TV with posters saying you're going to hell. Basically they're afraid of not seeming cool.

Funny thing is that one of my coworkers saw bible verses on my desk and was like: What's this?
I said: bible verses. (I didn't elaborate or take hold of the opportunity!!! I didn't even look at her while she was looking at my bible verses. I didn't ask her what she thought of them. I didn't do or say anything! because I thought that the presence of the verses themselves was enough of a witness, but I could have taken better hold of the opportunity)
She was then like: oh wow. I thought you were cool.
I was like huh?
She's like: I thought you were too cool for bible verses

Now thinking about it. I probably am. My mom always says I super suck at talking about God. I admit that I lose a lot of opportunities.

I will never forget my first house church experience in Shanghai. They introduced me to another ABC girl who was there as a tent-maker teaching English at the school. The girl asked what my name was.
Then, suddenly, she reached out, put her hand on my shoulder and was like: "Are you a believer?" It was such an amazing experience. She just got straight to the point and there was so much love and care in her words. Like she cared about my salvation. It was so amazing

the real MBA application

Today I told my current manager and previous manager that I'm applying for MBA

Finally got that off my chest. 

Now I need to get going on those application essays. 

Application essays, recommendations, resumes, and interviews (if you get to that part)... so many pieces of the application to worry about. I was pretty stressed this past week deciding how many (and which) schools to apply to in round 1. Stalked quite a few people on LinkedIn and sent a few random MBA alumni messages/questions

Just now, I was lying on my bed, de-stressing. I started daydreaming about telling a particular person about Christ and bringing him and his wife to Church. Then I was like: sigh. God, Why am I getting an MBA? (in my head I was illogically thinking, what's the point of an MBA if I still suck at telling people about God?--of course that is unrelated and on its own separate learning track). But the question is still valid anyway. Why do I want an MBA? God, why do you want me to get an MBA?

I always make sure, that even when I make my own plans for life, that I am willing to, at any moment, give up all of my plans and let Jesus divert/change them. 

So I was ready. On my bed. I was like: sure, I can give it all up now. Even though I've told my managers and I've taken the GMAT. I am ready to give it all up. 

(That was just a heart check. I didn't feel any conviction to give it up or anything. )

The real MBA application is with God. If you think the admissions committee (adcom) can tell you're bluffing your essays, God can tell even more if you're bluffing your heart with Him. That's why God's application is always the toughest. --because we sometimes don't even understand our own heart. Or our childhood. Or our upbringing. Or our emotions. But the best part about God's application is you don't need a set career goal or life plan. It's all about you and God. It's like marriage. 

It's kind of like how when my boss asked my colleague a question, and my colleague replied: "let me call and ask the real boss" (aka his fiance). 

Emotional dad video

My Indian friend posted this video on facebook. It starts with a bunch of Indians who have grown up, saying "how are you dad?"

It was slightly "touching" but.. something about it made me resist it. I was like : no, it shouldn't be like this. They're glorifying and confirming a type of father that should just be loved and appreciated, but not glorified and confirmed. They're declaring what fathers should be like and what a father's role is, based on their own father.

I guess my father had some similarities to the father in the video, but not as extreme.

And part of me was like.... Noooooooo , you have no idea what your Heavenly Father is like.

Anyway, I guess the video is still good. Maybe I've just been thinking too much about my Heavenly Father, haha. And also now that I'm grown up-ish, I see my earthly father as a person, a man, and an older friend, rather than just a father, so I was kinda 'eh' about boxing dads into this "father" box. (as if he's not actually any other role). But maybe the video is more relevant to others' fathers

women's retreat

Just came back from Terra Nova's women's retreat.

It was really great, and really interesting. It was really women-oriented--my first women's retreat. There were single women, married women, divorced women, married women with kids, pregnant women, etc. Very diverse in age and "stage of life", though in this day and age, there might not really be a set "stage of life" since there's really no set path or 'normal path'. My single friend just shared this article with me today.

Actually, one of the takeaways from the retreat was not really anything taught or discussed, but just something I absorbed/learned from observation. I was so awed by watching how close some single women were to married women with kids, and how married women with kids treated and saw single women the same way (didn't see them as immature, or too young to be friends with them) . I had a good conversation with a married women who had kids, where I didn't feel like she felt I was too young to talk to her; (in fact the fear was probably on my side, where I feared a subtle rejection from married women with kids---was super happy when she facebook friended me).

I watched as one single sister would keep checking up on married women with kids, to see how they were doing. It was beautiful to see the younger single woman initiate the friendship (too) rather than just the other way around. It was refreshing. And beautiful.

Another related thing I noticed was: Sometimes I could not tell who was single and who was married. Some people who looked single, actually were married with many kids. They just had such an 'independent', 'adventurous' spirit. (I always thought that after you had kids, all you really thought about were your kids and their activities)

At Church, I'm so used to people reaching out to the lonely abandoned single people. As for couples, well, they already at least have each other so they're good. But that's really not always true. Women need other women too. All the brokenness shared at the retreat really opened my eyes to all the pain both married and single women can experience from relationships.

One more take-away: one pastor's wife mentioned the book 'sex and the supremacy of Christ', and how sex is something created by God meant to be an example of intimacy, just as marriage is a 'reflection'/example of the Marriage between Christ (the Bridegroom) and the Church (the Bride). God wants to have a relationship with us, and be that intimate with us. We are His bride.

One woman on the retreat said she had trouble with the idea of being "the Bride of Christ", and she felt God saying to her: "it's okay. You can be my little girl. I am a gentleman and I will wait for you".

The Solution

It's funny to see how people reacted to the Santa Barbara shootings.

Some people claim it's all about the gun control--how he shouldn't have been allowed to so easily buy a gun. Some people ranted about how his parents should have paid more attention to his health condition rather than spoil him, ignore him and get him a BMW. I guess in the end, it's just so many different things. And there's no one solution, although technically there is. but it still takes a lot... to get the solution implemented... (If I'm allowed to talk about Jesus that way).

It's easy to be like: oh yes, the solution is Jesus. Every problem, every pain, every wrong thing. Jesus.

Umm, really? Do we even believe that? What does it mean that the solution is Jesus?

Well, God is love, so the solution is love. God's love. The love that we cannot comprehend. The love that is deeper and wider and more faithful than we can ever fathom. I guess if you elaborate it like that, perhaps God is the solution for everything.

And then there are things like money. We don't think about that as much in the middle class world. We forget those movies where the husband and wife become poor and the wife starts yelling at the romantic husband because she's too anxious about the lack of money. And the marriage falls apart because of money. If you didn't know, the divorce rate is 30% higher for families with household incomes below 50K. (of course there could be other factors correlated, but I personally think money solves a lot of problems and a lot of fights). But theoretically, if you had enough of God's love, it wouldn't matter.

I don't know. I've never been left out to starve. Never even fasted more than 1 day. Never desired God or missed anyone so bad that I simply forget to eat for a long period of time.

Well, what can we say? Even the bible admits to the practical stuff. Don't say "keep warm and well fed" without actually giving people real food (James 2:16). Love has to come with action. And even God himself gives good gifts--and sometimes these gifts are food/financials. He provides!

In any case, God is actually the solution, even though it sounds so cheesy and cliche for those who grew up in the Church.

God is the solution, but sometimes it's hard to have faith that He is.

Stuck in a rut

I've been going to the dentist a lot these few months,  getting my fillings and cleanings and x- rays and consultations.

My dentist suggested some options for aesthetic and functional teeth improvement. He told me the things wrong about my teeth,  some that I noticed and some that I did not know about. I did a lot of research, second opinion gathering, thinking,  looking at pictures of myself , taking pictures of my teeth. And dude it's so funny. When I didn't have my own dentist,  I was fine but now that I have a great dentist who tells me all my teeth imperfections,  It's like stressing me out because I'm not willing to go through the effort to make my teeth perfect. I'm not willing to do braces for two years again and I heard it may cause TMJ which I luckily currently don't have. And veneers cost a lot, are irreversible and require extra care. What if I become a missionary and don't have access to good dentists and don't have spare money every 20 years when I need to get my veneers replaced?

Anyway. So silly of me to get stressed out about this. Sometimes we get fixated on having to fix all our imperfections and it's stupid. I'm not saying it's wrong to fix aesthetic things but we have to realize we'll never be perfect

Go outside. Take a deep breath.

"There's more to life than that. Go outside. Take a deep breath."

lol, what a great quote from a sister. a little (or a lot) out of context, but really applies to any rut we could possibly be stuck in, or any obsession or craving or sin or desire.

(of course there might be limits to 'go outside and take a deep breath'. You could potentially do that forever and get nowhere and still have no direction and no God)

Friends

Some friends/coworkers threw me a surprise birthday party today. Really took me by surprise since it's a few days before my real birthday; I thought one of them was just making me dinner.

It really feels really great to have friends, no matter what kind or how close, how silly or how real. I used to be really amazed when I realize I have friends. like Wow. I have friends? Now I'm just so thankful that I have so many friends, and real friends too, even in a new place, new environment. I'm so amazed that I can make friends, like real friends, completely from scratch, in a new place. It's a scary thing sometimes--moving around, thinking you'll never have real friends again.

And just as it starts to get warm, you realize it's time to go out again.

cake my coworker (and sister in Christ) made:

Social group culture/chemistry

Paul says 'I become all things to all people'. 

"all things" and "all people" since there is such a great variety of cultures and people. Most of the time  people similar to each other tend to hang out, but Paul hung out with people different from himself, becoming like those he hung out with, in order to save them. 

I think I've hung out with 4-6 different social groups since I've been in this area, and it's really amazing how different each group is. Their activities, their conversation topics, social dynamics, jokes, how often they meet, what they are willing to share.. Some always have to hang out in a bar with beer and awesome music, some always in a house with a potluck, some in an artsy fashionable place downtown. And there's so many different types of conversations. There's the ones where you jokes about people you know, maybe tease them, maybe complain about family or your personal life. There's the kind that just talks about you and what you enjoy and the places you want to visit, and how you should all do it together; the focus is not about teasing but daily life conversation (usually over tea, usually with only other women). There's the small intimate groups where you just talk about the deep personal stuff/problems and the deep struggles of life. There are the groups that always have some inside joke going on, with outbursts of uncontrollable laughter, and someone is always sitting on someone else (same gender). 

It is really wonderful to experience and befriend people from different cultures, heritage, families, educational backgrounds , economic statuses, with very different job industries, drinking habits, sexual lifestyles/experiences, etc. 

I think a month ago, or maybe even 2 or 3 weeks ago, I had this belief -- or, rather, I was convinced that, I could only ever really get to know and really "click" with people like myself, specifically in terms of ethnicity, upbringing, religious beliefs, educational/familial background, ethnicity/culture of the people they have hung out with their entire life while growing up. 

gah, anyway. Should not do too too much social analysis of my life---might hinder actually living it and going for it. Although I guess, the point of life is not just to have new experiences (like new social experiences or life experiences), but the point is Jesus and the Kingdom of God. Not sure what that means or looks like exactly in my life right now, but even the mention /thought of Jesus and the Kingdom of God changes my heart and thoughts and perspective. 

Culture Shock

From time to time, I still get culture shock from living in Albany area, NY.

It's suburban; it's not a deserted place or anything. There's GE, law firms, nuclear research, nanotechnology centers, etc., and decent school districts. It's just the subtle things.

My workplace actually gives me a safe haven,  because the environment there is more of what I'm used to. Fast paced, social, young, tons of Asians, all engineers, similar economic status. Make fun of each other, complain about other groups, coordinate activities/meetings, find out about company business rumors and spread them around.

Sure, at the root of it all, we're all humans and can relate to anyone from any background of any culture and language. Because we're human. We have the same desires (maybe?) , and the same Creator....but still, we can get culture shock

I don't know how missionaries do it. I'd either get severely culture shocked, or get super sucked in (in a harmful way). But then again, if God took me to heaven right now, I'd be super culture shocked too. I'd be culture shocked when I get up there, and culture shocked when I get back down here to Earth. You usually end up remembering the better place, and get culture shocked from anything that isn't as good as the places and worlds you've lived in previously. It's easier to adjust to the better place. Though, of course, refugees or victims of abuse, still have a hard time adjusting to being set free--but that's an issue of healing, rather than being culture shocked at a better world.

What is culture shock? Jesus didn't have culture shock. He had love. He has love. Culture shock is when you are shocked at the culture, and implies that you are too shocked to be able to relate fully (yet) and be integrated into the culture. Culture shock is definitely something we need to get over if we're going to live somewhere for a while. Culture shock sort of implies some form of detachment due to shock, like you're an observer rather than a participant. And that's never a good place to be. Never be an observer. Always get your hands dirty. That's how love works.

psychologytoday is sometimes ridiculous

I was reading this silly article http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201205/when-escapism-is-good/the-power-online-gaming

It claims that sometimes escapism is good, and the example it gives is video games. The example within that is how one woman became a better driver after playing video games because "The windshield became a rectangular viewfinder into a world of obstacles and foes. 'I keep expecting something to jump out and kill me' [is what she says]"


HAHAHA.. Seriously. Who writes these articles? I don't see how this is supporting his/her viewpoint here. If one of my friends starts thinking the windshield is a viewfinder for foes and obstacles and thinks things are going to jump out and kill them through the windshield, I'd be pretty worried

Is that the standard nowadays? As long as escapism and living in your own fantasy world helps you somehow in daily life (ie become a better driver), it's a good thing. Even if you start imagining your house to be a military fort and anticipating things to jump out at you while you drive.

Shovelin'

Finally snowed enough for a large chunk of people not to come to work, or to come 2 hours+ late.
Working at home today for the first time; a lot of fun

Snow day mindset

So much snow this winter!

I got a lot of "practice" driving in snow, since I still have to get to work even if there's 1-2 feet of snow on the ground. "practice" because you never quite get good at it. You might become more experienced, like no sharp turns, slow down when you turn, etc. but there are still areas where driving in snow is unpredictable, even for the experienced. No amount of practice makes it completely perfect/safe. Like, there was one time, I was making a very wide turn--wasn't even a sharp turn--, and i was physically turning the wheel very slowly, but still going straight even though I was turning the wheel. My car just made beeping sounds at me, telling me that my steering wheel wasn't in sync with my physical tires. Finally after a few seconds, it started turning--just in time. When I was driving back home from work, even the highway was not cleared of snow. You couldn't see where each lane starts or stops, since the whole ground is white.. And it was still snowing sideways--the snow was going straight at my windshield. Since it was dark, all I saw was snow flying at me--couldn't see the road ahead or anything.; probably only saw a few feet in front of where i was driving. Every couple exits, there's a car on the side of the road due to some driving-in-the-snow accident

I don't even give a second thought to all this. I have gotten used to the many snow storms while living here. Driving in the snow is no big deal now. In new jeresey, if it snows this much, there would be a "state emergency" declaration and no one would even bother going to work.

In my company, everyone still came to work. Maybe 50% of the people were an hour late, but that's it. Just an hour. Our vendors/suppliers, however, had "snow day mindset". They'd email us and say that they can't make it to the 11am meeting, since the highways weren't cleared yet, etc. .... My coworker complained that all of globalfoundries was here, what do they mean they can't make it. I was explaining to him that it's not that they can't make it. It's a mindset thing. They just have "snow day mindset". If it snows, they're like OOOO snow day ! . no school, no work. whereas we have a 24/7 operations mindset. The plant operations go on even if weather is terrible.

So yea, it's all a mindset thing. I've worked here so long that I don't even think twice at whether or not I should go into office if there's a snow storm. Of course, I should have this kind of discipline/training for spiritual things too.