the Power of Love

In class today, I learned about how fleshly wounds heal.

• "inflammatory" stage: 2-5 days.
• proliferation stage: 2-3 weeks.
• restoration stage: weeks to years.

And the teacher was talking about it so logically. Like, this is what the blood clots do. Then they get stuck in this extracellular matrix. Then this happens. Then your body signals this.

I wish emotional healing was like that.

Emotional wounds... ultimately affect close relationships, mostly marriage and your relationship with God.

I went to a Church, heard a testimony of a pastor whose daughter or son married X person whose father and mother were drug addicts, who came from super broken homes, but of course the X person was completely touched by God and healed (like literally, plus virginity physically restored--found out on their honeymoon). I told my parents this story, and they discussed among other Christian parents whether they would ever let their kids marry someone from that kind of family background, even if God healed them.

The problem is that most of the time, we don't believe that the person is completely healed of emotional wounds. And that's because most of the time they aren't! It takes the Holy Spirit's touch and power to heal someone. And sometimes it takes years. God has to touch you again and again, and as you forgive that person who hurt you and even start to bless them, that's when you begin that healing process. Many people give their testimony of being healed, and it starts out with "I thought I had forgiven him, but...". Forgiveness only starts the healing process.

Yet, sin still has its effects. There are still other things that we all have to conquer.

This is such a touchy topic. But we need to start talking about it. Not categorizing people, or being ashamed/embarrassed of emotional wounds. Not making judgments, or hiding things. But believing in healing. Admitting the need for healing. Allowing God to heal us. To heal this broken generation. To heal this cynical generation. This unbelieving generation. We don't believe in love anymore, because of this broken world, because of all the broken and failed relationships.

God is love. We have to know this love. Then we will know how powerful this love is.

Show me... how much

Laying on my bed, I said

God, show me how much you love CY

and I heard Him say:

if I showed you how much I love her, you would not be able to bear it

and I wept.

all these analogies...try to describe God's love for us....but at the end of the song the only thing we can only say is 'how He loves us, Oh how He loves us' ~YW

O how He loves.

Does God want me to do well on my tests?

Should I pray to pass? Should I pray to do well? Is it God's will for me to pass / do well?

Yes.

But more than that, God wants to use this opportunity to show you how awesome He is, and how much He loves and blesses you. He wants to use this opportunity to build your faith, to train you in prayer, to teach you about His blessings and how He, as your Father, longs to just give you all kinds of blessings as you seek His Kingdom. Seek His Kingdom, AND ALL THESE THINGS WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU AS WELL.

WHY? Because Father wants to show you that He loves you. He wants to use every opportunity. If it's blessing you with getting into an unexpected graduate program, or getting a dream job, then so be it. He uses different ways, sometimes opened doors, sometimes closed doors, to show His love to you, His direction for your life.

Why does God care about my tests? / why does it matter to him? Why does it matter to Him if I do well or not, as long as I tried/worked for Him? Does God really care about these little things I care about, like tests? I mean, won't these things pass away anyway. Does God care about how well I do on my tests? Does He want me to do well?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN!? Don't your friends ask you how your prelim was when you come back from them? What do you mean "why does God care about my tests"?!??!!! WHY DOES GOD CARE ABOUT YOU AT ALL THEN?!

Do we always pass? Do we always get healed right away? Do missionaries always make it financially? Do we always survive the storm?

No.

That's not the point.

So, should we still pray to do well? Or, should we pray for God's will to be done? Or for peace?

Yes.

Amen. God is amazing.

The battle within

Jesus. you better be worth it.

I don't know how I can even say that. After the pain Jesus went through. What is an internal battle within me compared to that? How can I say to the radiant One, "you better be worth it". How can I say to the definition of Love and beauty, that you better be worth it.

The truth is that Jesus, you are all I want. but the temptations of the world and the other desires within me create a whirlpool in my heart, and stir things up.

Jesus, you are worth it. You are worth everything. More than everything.

CBS is not

Sometimes after you watch a deep meaningful movie with a strong "life message", you have to debrief yourself. Movies like Eat Pray Love, or even movies like Avatar. Any kind of inspirational movie with a message. You gotta discern the good-sounding-but-slightly-wrong messages. That's what I have to do right now. Except I'm not debriefing an inspirational movie. I'm debriefing a deep conversation.

In conversations, I can pick out the heart of what is being said (usually), and transition from one topic to a similar topic, but I'm not good at thinking on my feet and being quick to discern. I tend to agree with people, but then the next day realize that I don't completely agree anymore. I'm a slow but deep thinker. So, anyway. This is for myself.

CBS is not. a clique, a fraternity. It is not "just another social group". I joined CBS so I could be in a community with other people who also love Jesus, so I could grow with them in Christ, and obey Christ together, and encourage each other in Christ.

It's about Jesus. Any Church, or Christian fellowship, or group. No matter what it seems like on the outside.

Christianity is not. a belief, a philosophy. It's not just a way of life. It's not just how you get by life. It is not "positive thinking", even though believing in God's promises and cultivating a thankful heart may involve thinking positively, or perhaps just thinking differently, keeping God in your thoughts.

So yes, we can agree with our friends on the general concept that the way you see and think about life makes a difference on your happiness. But ultimately, it is Jesus who makes that difference, and it is Jesus who changes us. We can agree with non-Christians that friends make us happy and a loving community makes us happy, but Jesus is the Spirit behind everything and who we are. The source. It's not about a philosophy of how we live or how we find enjoyment, or how any of the teachings of the bible are different from conventional wisdom and philosophies. It's not about how this Jesus way of life "works for us".

Jesus and Christianity is not this thing that "works for me".

Jesus is beautiful.

To non-believers, God is useful; to believers God is beautiful

Relationships Counseling

I just asked for relationships counseling for my relationship with God. =D

I remember a sermon where the pastor was saying that sometimes you just have to look at what other people are doing, and do what they are doing. (Not like looking at what everyone is doing... not in the sense of conformism, but in the sense of pursuing God... sometimes we don't know how to pursue God, but we look at people who love God--either people in the bible like King David--or people in our lives who really love God, and try some of that for ourselves).

I remember in high school, I asked my friend for her mom's phone number because her mom had prayed for me years back, and when she prayed for me that one time, I felt God very strongly, and the way she talked about God, I just felt that she must really love God. So, I called her and asked her how she spends time with God. And it was beautiful, all the things she told me. It was simple, but beautiful. Just to hear her talk about God. It was like wow..the way you talk about Him... I must have missed something about God.

So yea, anyway, I sought some relationships counseling for my relationship with God.

I realized that I'm really not good at spending large chunks of time reading God's Word. I tend to do 10 minutes here and there, morning and night, or things like that. This is partially why I'm always reading psalms and proverbs, because it doesn't take long to do so, and each chapter isn't connected with the one before it, so you don't need to read a large chunk at a time to remember what's going on from what you read the day before. But I feel like I'm missing out on something... I want more. All these brothers and sisters sharing about how amazing their mornings with God are... I was like... hmm... maybe I'm missing something...

And today, Spock talked about boasting in our weakness, and not hiding our weakness. And hearing that made me realize that I've been hiding my weaknesses these past couple weeks, by not wanting them to exist, and not really being honest to myself or God that they exist.

Looking forward to my renewed relationship with God